The last time you were made aware of Alicia Keys existence, she was punching you in the eardrums with off-key "oh oh oh oh ohs" and "nooo ooones" just because she could. Now she is starring in a terrible sitcom that airs on MTV and is supposed to sell you Dove products. What? I don't know. Why? That remains to be seen.

Last night during the season premiere of The Hills, wedged right between Lauren's stilted flirtation with a guy so French he should have come with his own Jordy soundtrack, and Mariah Carey's awkward telling of the time that OMG! She burned her hair with a curling iron and she screamed so loud, we the viewing public were treated to a "mini-sode" of "Fresh Takes," a series starring Alicia Keys and the awkwardness that clings to her like a shadow when she attempts comedy.

Why does this exist? Why does a trailer for this loathsome thing exist? Again, I don't know but it is below:



Ha! "My mom's on Facebook?!" That joke alone just sold 50 bottles of Dove cucumber mint body wash.

I realize that I make fun of advertising a lot in this space, but the only things that commercials have going for them is that they're short, and they usually don't aspire to be more than what they are. Cottonelle doesn't enlist T-Pain for a 24-style action drama series of "mini-sodes" about the kidnapping of the butt-obsessed dog. Now I have to be grateful that every commercial isn't a 5-minute long tiny sitcom about Alicia Keys and company navigating their early 20s in the big city with the help of friendship and Dove deodorant? Thanks, Dove. The bar is so low now it's underground.

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