Amazon users emit primal howl of protest against Trump Christmas ornament

By Clayton Purdom  |  November 28, 2016 | 6:30pm
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Donald Trump sells shitty things. He has sold shitty steaks, shitty “college degrees,” shitty real estate. He has sold many shitty Make America Great Again hats, which somehow shuffled from ironic to iconic despite the fact that it is shaped like a collapsed loaf of bread. It is a very bad hat.

It makes an even worse Christmas ornament, though, slightly re-shaped somehow to look like a train conductor’s hat as well as a collapsed loaf of bread. The ornament was originally available to people who made a donation on Trump’s website of $149 or more, but soon it started popping up on Amazon, as well, for prices of $200 and up. It is, as noted on Amazon, “made of brass and finished in 14 karat gold” and “sure to make any tree stand out,” which is a difficult claim, conceptually, given that Christmas trees always stand out since they are Christmas trees.

Regardless, the shitty, overpriced ornament has since received a flood of user reviews, which appear to be both in direct proportion to the shittiness of the actual object on offer as well as a response to Trump’s xenophobic, racist policy proposals and the petulant, childish tone with which he does literally everything. Many of the user reviews take on the memes of the campaign:

Some seem to be primal screams, earnestly grappling with reality:

Even the positive reviews are negative reviews.

Eventually, Trump supporters also showed up in the reviews to make jokes about safe spaces and how this ornament is just the sort of change the Christmas tree needs after decades of entrenched, family-insider ornaments clogging up all the space. Everyday, common ornaments, they argue, are looking to this brass-and-gold hat to “drain the tree” and restore good old-fashioned ornaments to their place of prominence. To wit:

Smart! Snopes is still undetermined on whether the ornament was actually made in China.

 
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