Amazon's descriptions of old Nick Arcade episodes are shockingly weird and mean

Okay, quick show of hands: Who remembers Nick Arcade? While never reaching the sheer insanity of other Nickelodeon game shows like Legends Of The Hidden Temple, the Phil Moore-hosted game show was still a boon to video game-obsessed kids in the ’90s, offering a vision of a world in which basic trivia knowledge and some moderate skill at Gradius might allow you to be “sucked into the video world,” i.e., forced to do some extremely rudimentary green-screen platforming while everyone at home shouted at you to stop fucking up all the time and just grab the goddamn power orb, please.
Given that nostalgia now makes up, roughly, 140 percent of online market forces, it’s not surprising to learn that you can stream episodes of Nick Arcade on Amazon. What are kind of shocking, though, are the episode descriptions that accompany each episode, which appear to have been written by someone who was extremely bored by all this running and jumping nonsense, and so decided to flex their comedy writing muscles instead. The writing starts out at least semi-normal—“A contestant named Nicole goes inside of a video game and has to jump over virtual rats in an attempt to win a set of encyclopedias. Host Phil Moore makes no attempt to convince her that it isn’t worth the trouble”—but steadily gets weirder and weirder, as the writer’s attention is quickly hijacked by Moore’s wardrobe choices.