Some of you commenters were predicting that this would be the most competitive group of the Top 36, and I thought "Yeah, that's what I thought about the other two groups until they sucked ass." I don't know if I'd go so far as to say this group sucked ass, but it certainly failed to deliver. To me it was the most boring of the last three weeks.
We began with Von Smith, who we may remember from being a tad theatrical and screamy with his singing. He attempted to scale down the screaming with of his performance of "You’re All I Need to Get By" by Marvin Gaye. He's a cute kid in a gay-Archie-Andrews sort of way but I thought it was a poor song choice for him—it was dull, and started off too low for his register, yet he still pulled a handful of weird faces during his performance. Randy thought it was "very hot" but Simon said that Von reminded him of Clay Aiken and made it clear that whatever he really meant by that, it wasn't good. Paula assured Von, "You don't look like that." Ha ha, suck it, Clay! We're finally taking you down a peg.
Taylor Vaifanua also failed to raise my enthusiasm with her rendition of "If I Ain't Got You" by Alicia Keyes. Again, too slow, too low, although I kind of dug her outfit—cute dress butched up a bit by shiny leggings. I agreed with Kara—I wanted to know what Taylor's personality was. "What's it like to go shopping with Taylor?" Kara asked, and then Simon and Randy picked on this comment like it was the most asinine thing ever. It wasn't genius but I knew what she meant. Paula complimented Taylor's leggings but I could tell what she was really thinking was "I hate Kara but I’m glad Simon is around to be a jerk to her so I don’t have to.” Then Simon and Ryan picked on each others' clothes as Taylor proved too dull to take us to commercial alone.
We all remember Alex Wagner Trugman as the dorky-looking kid with the blank expression and funny comments. He joked about working out so that he could fill out a shirt like Simon, and when Ryan asked him his routine, Alex said "Very short reps of low weight." I like him but my first thought during his "I Guess Why They Call It The Blues" was "No, he shouldn't be on this show." I wasn't sure if Alex’s dance moves were supposed to be funny or not but I was just overall confused between the choreography and the howling/screaming/growling going on while he sang, and the same odd frightened expression on his face that he kept on the whole time. Then he failed epically trying to bust a move with his mic stand. It was one of the few times I couldn't wait to hear what Simon said. Paula was sweet and said, "You certainly are a showman." Simon made me happy and proclaimed Alex's style "ridiculous" the performance "a bit stupid" and when the crowd booed he retorted, "May I remind you on this show we do not allow democracy." Then Ryan tried to be funny like Alex and broke a microphone. WAY TO GO RYAN.
Was anyone else surprised that Arianna Asfar was the first person ever to sing ABBA on Idol? I had high hopes for her, especially since she was undeniably cute, until she completely lost the melody of "The Winner Takes it All" around the second or third bar and never really got it back, probably because of her relentless melodic runs (make of that what you will). Then I got sick of her when she claimed that she tried to make the song "contemporary" (how?) and that she's not really cute (you are, so shut up). The judges were sick of it too so argued whether the name of ABBA is pronounced with a hard or soft A. I say "ah-ba,” as I think most Americans do .
Ju'Not Joyner was the guy with the cute little baby at his audition. He sang the Plain White T's "Hey There Delilah." I didn't think there was much wrong with his performance but it failed to make me sit up and take notice. He seemed a little sleepy while he sang, and he seems a little too mature and mellow for the average Idol voter (also I feel like he could have chosen a better outfit—not the oversized leather jacket and not the random handcuff hanging off his pants). Randy loved it but Kara wanted him to "bust it out" a bit, which I agree with. Simon demonstrated how much he cares about all his little Idol angels by letting us know he forgot already who Taylor is and can't be bothered to remember how to pronounce Ju'Not's name. He said that Ju'Not could have had "a moment" but didn't, and that's how I felt about the entire episode so far. Also Ju'Not had a cortisone shot in his butt, but I'm not sure what that has to do with anything.
Kristen McNamara, the blonde girl from Nathaniel Marshall's group during Hollywood Week, came next. She reminds me a bit of Jamie Pressly. When pressed by Ryan to discuss the audition group, she said "I love Nathanial," clearly lying through her teeth. She sang "Give me One Reason" by Tracy Chapman. I found her the strongest singer so far of the night but wasn’t in love with her. The judges all agreed that Kristen seems to have some identity issues—she should be singing Pink or Kelly Clarkson and maybe figure out her image a bit, too.
Then we got to Nathaniel Marshall, who apparently hated Nancy Lewis, the only person from his Hollywood Week group not to make it through the round, to talk shit about her on live TV. I hate Nathaniel's look so much and was so irritated by his drama queen ways that I figured that at least if I didn't like his performance, it would be "something," especially since he was going to do Meatloaf's "I Would Do Anything For Love." "This will be a great big sweaty mess," I thought, but even this performance was pretty tame—I guess the bar has been raised thanks to Adam Lambert in terms of over-the-top-ness. The only thing that I could really think about is how much I hate skinny jeans and/or deep-v'necks on men. The judges didn't seem to be impressed and even Nathaniel's grandma doesn't seem to think her grandson is the bomb: "I’m used to Nathan's music." Simon was more entertained by Paula remembering what people sang than anything else. Nathaniel tried to make up for the quasi-boring performance by reminding us repeatedly that he is "fun." Then Ryan dragged Nathaniel over to Simon so they can "get more comfortable" and tried to make Simon wear Nathaniel's headband. I try not to read too much into this stuff but it struck me as very "Touch this gay! Touch it!"