We returned to a well-worn theme on Idol tonight: songs from the year the contestants were born, IE the You Are Old episode.
Naima kicked things off with “What’s Love Got to Do With It,” but first we had a look back at her childhood. Naima’s parents helped confirm my suspicions that she’s probably one of the most fun people on Idol this season to hang out with: she comes from the kind of bohemian stock that probably make up the real-life versions of the wedding reception in Rachel Getting Married. Plus, she wears one of those COEXIST t-shirts made up of all those religious symbols, so I bet she is partial to tolerance and also possibly smoking good weed. Unfortunately, none of this translated into a great rendition of “What’s Love Got to Do With It.” Once again, it was a song choice that didn’t seem to reflect her on-stage personality and her pitch was just never really on-point. Steven, who I think just likes Naima because, stylewise, she’s the girl-version of him, said “You got a sorcerer’s grasp of melody, girl,” and basically contributed nothing of value all night.
Paul sang “I Guess That’s Why They Call It the Blues” and apparently he was sick and out of sorts but after last week’s performance I thought he sounded streets ahead. I really like Paul and so I listened to his performance twice to make sure I just didn’t want him to sound better than he did. Basically, I like a subpar scratchy whispery performance from Paul more than a good performance from, say, Haley. He looked a little defeated towards the end, but I thought he picked a good song—if he makes it until next week, I look forward to hearing him sing at full capacity. The judges continue to love him despite his imperfections. I continue to like him despite his bolo tie.
I’m starting to dislike Thia now. She chose “Colors of the Wind” by Vanessa Williams (and honored the great tradition of Pocahontas by wearing a feather in her hair. She was at this point the third person on this show to wear a hair-feather, plus one real-life person I know has taken to wearing one, so rush out and get yours now before they’re irrelevant.) She sounded okay but she had as much charm as a little spinning ballerina in a jewelry box: you say, “That’s nice,” then you want to put it away. The judges are ready for her to break out and do something new, but to that feedback Thia set her face to “bitch”. She replied that this song is really reflective of what’s going on in the world today (does the color of the wind change if it’s got radiation poisoning? And don’t blame me for that joke, blame Thia, because that was a stupid thing for her to say) and in the same breath alluded to the fact that she didn’t have a wide variety of songs from which to choose. Plus, she talked over Jennifer. So I’m done with her.
James Durbin was maybe the cutest of the former Idol babies (I love a fatty fat little baby) and he played with a doll, too, which is probably the root of all his problems. He sang “I’ll Be There For You” by Bon Jovi. James sounded out of tune a bit in the beginning and then settled in pretty well, but overall I thought the performance was inferior to last week (the random solo guitarist onstage was an odd touch.) He did get fireworks though at the end, so that’s very special. The judges by and large liked it, and James asked Steven if he would sing an Aerosmith song with him at the finale, so we’re getting a little cocky there. James’ tail was back, so I think for me it boils down to James With Tail: No. James Without Tail: Sure, okay.
Poor Haley. She sang a song tonight but moreover she made the whole nation go “LIPSTICK. YOU HAVE LIPSTICK ALL OVER YOUR FACE AND TEETH. OH MY GOD.” Apparently the mic touched her bright red lips and then she touched the mic to her face and it was incredibly distracting from there on out, especially as Jennifer said “You look beautiful tonight. Doesn’t she?” almost as if she was making fun of her. I’m sure at the moment Haley didn’t appreciate Ryan trying to wipe her face on live TV but he was doing her a big favor. This is the kind of thing that makes me have to like Seacrest a bit. Anyway, her performance of “I’m Your Baby Tonight” was neither bad enough to be worse than the makeup incident nor good enough to make that seem like nothing more than a funny footnote. She sounded a bit too high and nasal, and maybe I’m thinking of Whitney singing the song on SNL but I wished her performance had more strut. The judges told her she needs to pick better songs. I’m still cringing on her behalf though about the makeup thing: that’s like walking down the street with your skirt tucked into your underwear only in this case the street is populated by millions of people and they all showed up to watch you specifically.
Stefano cheated tonight and performed “If You Don’t Know Me by Now” by Simply Red, when Simply Red just covered the song by Harold Melvin & the Blue Notes. Stefano pulls a lot of faces when he sings and seems to itch for the time when he can throw his head back and hit his high notes. It was fine but I don’t think Stefano brings much to the show we haven’t seen before. The judges all adored it, though. I get a Mary Kay Letourneau vibe from Jennifer when she looks at Stefano. When Stefano begged the camera for the audience to call up his number (six) it looked like he was mouthing “Sex! Sex! Please! Sex!”
Pia sang “Where Do Broken Hearts Go” by Whitney Houston. Vocals-wise I can’t criticize Pia very much (I even approved of her outfit to the extent of which I can approve of a sleeveless white satin jumpsuit) but too much big mama diva music makes me sleepy. I would love it if next week she did not sing something by Celine, Whitney, Mariah or anywhere near those three. I’m a little worried that this season the contestants aren’t going to be asked to go out of their comfort zones, but that’s always my favorite part of the show, to see who can handle a curveball and make it interesting vs. completely melt down.
Aside from the fact that he tends to hold his microphone like he lacks opposable thumbs, I couldn’t find too many bad things to say about Scotty tonight. He sang “Can I Trust You With My Heart,” by Travis Tritt and the fact that he was trying harder to actually emote and push himself in his song was evident, including a big note (for him) at the end. Scotty’s not one of my personal favorites but he had his best night so far tonight. The judges loved it.