Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

It's a well known fact that the holiday season increases humanity's innate attraction to sparkly things. Women wear sequins or gold or silver lamé on purpose, in the hope of looking like walking tree ornaments. Many people purchase glitter or tinsel in large quantities for some reason. And several people ingest really expensive pills in order to give their excrement that festive look (no one actually does this, but, well, people could).

Still, none of that explains this, the upcoming cover of Parade magazine (aka, part of that mass of paper that falls out of your weekend newspaper and spills all over the floor while you're just trying to find the arts section):

Illustration for article titled An Elusive Oprah And Denzel Captured During Their Shiniest Moment

"Oprah and Denzel Try To Create Shiny Moments"? What does that mean? Was this translated from another language? (Alternate translation: "Oprah and Denzel go for to make the sparkle happiness laugh incidents.")

What is the definition of a "shiny moment"? Oprah awkwardly clutching your shoulders from behind? Smiling so hard your back teeth hurt? Bellowing with joy at the sight of your depression-enhancing fridge/HDTV?

I don't know if Oprah, Denzel, or Parade came up with the phrase "shiny moments," but it is a perfect equilateral triangle of annoyingness, stupidity, and meaninglessness. Looking at this for too long feels like rubbing my brain with sandpaper. (To make it shiny, get it? Shiny moment!)

Simply put: worst daytime-talk-show-host-affiliated phrase since "Yum-o."

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