Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

An impromptu dance party drove #pizzagate goons away from Comet Ping Pong last night

Illustration for article titled An impromptu dance party drove #pizzagate goons away from Comet Ping Pong last night
Screenshot: Joseph Morris

Of all the dipshit conspiracy theories that have bubbled up from the toxic soup of recent years, #pizzagate endures as one of the absolute stupidest. Convinced that children were being trafficked from the basement of a Washington, D.C. area pizzeria (without a basement) called Comet Ping Pong, #pizzagate gained enough lunatic traction that a man actually opened fire inside the business back in 2016. Thanks to the Qanon believers mostly hiding in their bomb shelters to avoid Biden’s imminent release of, like, weaponized hornets or something, #pizzagate has been enjoying a bit of a resurgence lately. Last night, for example, a bunch of religious protesters showed up to wave around scary bible-quoting placards and tell reporters their reason for coming was to object to stuff like, “Pedophilia. They serve up little boys on pizza over there.”

Advertisement

Comet Ping Pong has been dealing with this kind of shit for a long time, though, and it’s figured out good ways to drown out the nuisance—a good old-fashioned dance party, for example.

During last night’s protest, patrons came out to the sidewalk to dance around the religious group as Comet played loud music. They played tracks from RuPaul, Lady Gaga, Queen, Bill Withers, and, according to the Washingtonian, got pretty direct with Ray Charles’ “Hit The Road Jack.” Videos show scenes from the whole thing, which consist largely of awkward dance moves and the dismayed protesters standing around confused about what to do.

At one point, Comet’s owner brought the protesters champagne. One of the jerks poured his glass out onto the sidewalk and broke the rest being held on a tray. Before long, however, the sudden party became uncomfortable enough for them that they eventually just drove off.

Comet Ping Pong’s Twitter account summed up the whole experience by writing that when “fear and hate showed up” at their door yet again, “we and our neighbors danced them away.”

Advertisement

The tweet ends with a thanks to those who helped and the message, “Love wins.”

Advertisement

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.