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ASMR videos have finally evolved to the next level

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No matter what the subject matter or who’s holding court on it, there’s a certain comforting format you know you’re going to get with an ASMR video. It’s going to involve soothing, whispered tones; some faint sound effects; an overarching sense of quiet that permeates all aspects of the clip. That is still true, but ASMR videos have now had a development in the slow but steady evolution of their species. To paraphrase Patrick Stewart’s opening voiceover monologue from X-Men, every few hundred weeks, evolution leaps forward.

The above video from YouTube collective Rhino Stew is titled “ASMR bank robbery,” and as the woman whose dulcet tones informs you in the opening minute, this was the clear winner among those who wanted to hear a certain narrative delivered in the gently quiet manner of ASMR. Who would have thought a calming stimulus-response pattern could unfold as a result of someone recounting such an exciting idea? Truly, everyone else who makes videos in which they sit in front of a microphone and make very quiet noises will have to think about why they don’t simply do as this video does, and tweak the formula by adding a few more adventurous words into the mix? That, and nothing else, surely. What a time to be alive.