In the lead-up to Avengers: Endgame, the internet was abuzz with one specific conspiracy theory: Why doesn’t Ant-Man just climb inside Thanos’ ass and expand. It’s a good question. Undoubtedly, the expansion of Pym Particles inside of Thanos’ big, purple butt would be enough to tear him apart. Instead, they went with Thor cutting off his head. C’est la vie. But thankfully, the Imagineers at Disney have a new spin on the Ant-Man crawling in Thanos’ anus theory: What if Ant-Man went in through the mouth?
Debuting at Disneyland’s Pym Test Kitchen at the upcoming Avengers Campus, the Quantum-sized Pym-ini is a $100 sandwich destined to leave brave eaters clutching their stomachs and wondering why they didn’t just shove this $100 sandwich straight up their asses. To be fair, the scientists at the Pym Test Kitchen designed the Pym-ini to feed six to eight people. However, we all know that people are just going to try and eat this massive serving of salami, rosemary ham, provolone on toasted focaccia with marinara dipping sauce and an arugula side salad as some sort of YouTube challenge. At least they’re getting some greens.
The combination of fun food will leave eaters sweating, sleepy, and ready to throw up on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. Plus, they spent $100 to show off how much food they can eat without dying. Pretty cool. Thankfully, those not looking to spend the rest of their Disneyland adventure with biblical meat sweats can spend their hard-earned money on an individual sandwich for $14.50 or a Teeny Pym-imi for $10. Other offerings follow the theme of foods that are either big or small and expand in your stomach, such as the “Impossible Spoonful,” a giant plant-based meatball on a big-ass spoon.
The Pym Test Kitchen is all in keeping with Disney Parks theming. In March 2020, Imagineering staff writer Jillian Pagan told People that Pym Test Kitchen is essentially a Marvel What If…? as in “What if…Ant-Man and the Wasp opened a restaurant?”
“Superheroes don’t normally open restaurants, but what they would do is use their technology to help the world,” Pagan said. “In our story, they are using their shrinking and growing technology to create new innovations in food science because, of course, you can feed more people if you can run a normal sized pretzel through this quantum tunnel machine, hit it with some Pym particles and make it grow to a giant size. Our food and beverage team has done an amazing job at extending that storytelling to the food, so you will be able to actually purchase a giant pretzel.”
That’s right. You’ll finally be able to purchase a giant pretzel. How big is that pretzel? Well, considering you can already get giant pretzels, we have to assume it’s a pretty big pretzel. It’s good that Pym is using his technology exclusively for people who like really big food and really terrible stomach aches.