Breitbart’s fidget spinner allows Steve Bannon to keep playing with himself

By Danette Chavez  |  August 23, 2017 | 1:37pm
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Now that he’s persona non grata at the White House, Steve Bannon’s moved back into the whiter house, i.e., Breitbart, which eagerly welcomed back its “populist hero.” In fact, the editors at the far-right publication were so excited to have Bannon back, they dove right into an email chain to make disparaging remarks about members of the Trump family. That turned out to be a prank, but you can’t blame Breitbart; the perpetrator cleverly disguised himself as Bannon by threatening “Javanka” (Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump) and describing his morning uttanasana routine.

Jokes and threats aside, Breitbart’s really rolled out the red carpet for Bannon’s homecoming, dedicating posts to its fearless leader, and even hawking fidget spinners with his oozing face emblazoned on them. This newest addition to the publication’s online store is “proudly made in the USA,” like all the cheap whiskey Bannon regularly swigs. The molded plastic is the same shade of orange as the Breitbart logo, but not, as Pantone tells us, the current color of the president’s spray tan. The accompanying copy is fairly uninspiring, though it does manage to make a tired “snowflake” joke while also touching on current events, so maybe it’s the most spot-on thing ever published on the site: “Leftists need comfort at times like these. Gift them this pacifying item that will give them something to do in between pulling down monuments.”

What makes it a Bannon fidget spinner—aside from the fact that it’s full of holes—is the photo of his ravaged countenance slapped onto each one, along with the hashtag “War.” (Nothing disconcerting about that; at least, not until they add “race” to it.) The item is special delivery, meaning it will take up to 10 days for you to get Steve Bannon in your hands, which is actually plenty of time to change your mind.

 
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