Just as every rose has its thorn, so now every couch has its throw, thanks to a line of “curated products” endorsed by former lead singer of Poison and current headliner of casinos Bret Michaels. Michaels, who previously taught our pets how to rock, is now teaching us how to live, because, as Michaels puts it, “Sometimes you need to rock, and sometimes you need to live.”
Michaels’ new philosophical outlook comes courtesy of Overstock.com, which, from the press release announcing the partnership, sounds more like a meditation cult than an online discount retailer: “The first time I experienced Overstock’s soul was during a special company-wide event where I performed. It was pure magic meeting everyone,” Michaels says. “I’ve seen them on television, I’ve shopped on their website, but the synergy with the entire group brought things to a whole other level,” he adds, marking the most rock ‘n’ roll use of the word “synergy” since Steve changed the lyrics to “Wanted Dead Or Alive” to be about mergers and acquisitions at the company picnic last year.
Overstock’s new Live Bret Michaels page encompasses a wide variety of products, most of which the average person doesn’t need to live per se, but are nice to have around. Patio furniture, for example. Or this thing. Or fitness equipment, because Bret Michaels is a diabetic and fitness is important to him. Look, he says so himself right here. Or a throw pillow with a skull on it, because Bret Michaels can’t be tamed. He can only live.
And lest you label Michaels some sort of sellout, he wants you to know that just because he’s shilling a seemingly random assortment of products for an online discount retailer doesn’t mean he’s lost his edge. No, Live Bret Michaels has that most important of rock ‘n’ roll qualities: authenticity. “I’m truly a person that shops on Overstock.com, and have done so for a long time. I’m excited to have a chance to personally develop products like the ones in my house, on my bus, in my life,” Michaels says. One thing the collection notably does not include, however, is bandannas, because why would Bret Michaels need those?