In what has to be the weirdest instance of accidental corporate synergy this side of Beyoncé and Red Lobster, U.K. rocker Pete Doherty is getting treated for a hedgehog stabbing on the same day Paramount Pictures dropped its Sonic The Hedgehog trailer. There is no way these two things are not connected.
As the 40-year old Libertines frontman outlined in a near-impenetrable tweet, he was walking his dogs, Zeus and Narco, when one of the them scooped up “the cute wee verminous Shnuffle shuffle Pig of the the Hedge,” which is one way of saying hedgehog. Doherty’s hand got stuck by one of its spines while trying to remove the “Pig of the the Hedge” from his dog’s jaws, and is now dealing with an infection that arose after he, for some reason, didn’t get them removed.
As such, Doherty was forced to cancel a Tuesday appearance on Nihal Arthanayake’s BBC Radio 5 Live show. BBC Radio 5 Live presenter Nihal Arthanayake broke the news, with Clash reporting him as saying, “Pete Doherty is now in hospital having the infected hedgehog spine removed from his finger. We wish Pete well because whatever has happened is serious enough that he has not been able to make it.”
Despite that ominous-sounding statement, Doherty appears to be having fun with the incident, cracking a joke about the “infectious” songs on his new album, Peter Doherty And The Puta Madres, and sharing photos of him with his hand in a cast. “I felt a bit of a prick,” he tweeted out with a photo of a hedgehog-themed get-well card.
He appears, however, to have missed the part where he uses his injury to promote the new Sonic The Hedgehog movie, which we’re assuming is in some way responsible for this. Regardless, now we can’t stop thinking of a trailer with “Up The Bracket” instead of “Gangsta’s Paradise,” or at least a movie called Sonic The The Cute Wee Verminous Shnuffle Shuffle Pig Of The The Hedge.