It’s not new to note that the fortunes of America’s movie theaters rest, pretty precariously, on a thick, greasy cloud of popcorn, soda, and nacho cheese dip; as the U.S. box office has seemingly plateaued in its recovery from the COVID-19 shutdowns over the last few years, theaters have had to lean more and more heavily on concessions in order to make ends meet. Even with that understanding, though, we’ll admit to a bit of shock at a planned promotion that theater chain Cinemark is rolling out for this year’s “National Popcorn Day,” set by the food advertising minds that cook this kind of thing up for January 18 and 19. The company’s marketing has its own language for it, but if it’s all the same to you, we’re going to just go ahead and keep thinking of the promotion like this: Welcome, one and, all, to the “Fuck it, bring your own goddamn bucket” plan!
As noted by THR, this is the second consecutive year that Cinemark has run the FIBYOGBP, in which consumers—and the word has rarely felt more apt—are invited, for that 48-hour period, to bring in any container they like, up to 400 fluid ounces, and get it filled with popcorn for just five bucks. The twist this year (and it’s a powerful one, to our mind) is that the chain has now gone one step further and struck a promotional deal with hardware company Lowe’s: If you show up with a 5 gallon bucket that you bought at Lowe’s, that can also be filled, netting you an extra 250 ounces of indigestion, kernels-in-teeth, and the looming specter of heart disease. The THR piece employs the phrase “Food-grade bucket liners will be available upon request,” which is the kind of thing that’s going to haunt us almost as much as 5 full gallons of popcorn are bound to haunt our large intestines in the months and years to come.
Meanwhile, it’s also noted that non-bucket-owners—i.e., chumps—will still be able to buy a 200-ounce “XL” popcorn for the same price, if your FIBYOGBP FOMO isn’t too intense at the thought of leaving all that hot, slick salted corn on the table. Oh, and the promotion doesn’t require a ticket purchase, so no reason to stay put: Wander America’s decaying malls and crumbling streets with your big ol’ paint bucket of popcorn clutched in your greasy mitts, fending off birds and raccoons as you go! It’s National Popcorn Day, baby! Food-grade bucket liners are available on request!