Commemorative coin "informed by superhero graphic art" betting big on Trump's recovery

There’s been about a year’s worth of news over the last few days. Following Donald Trump’s COVID diagnosis, the White House has spun up its most dedicated response to the pandemic since it began, pumping out fetid missives meant to make us all think that everything’s fine—that the president, veins and lungs flooded with mystery potions, is on the mend.

The best example of this comes from The White House Gift Shop, whose website has opened up pre-orders for a $100 commemorative coin from the store’s “Historic Moments In History” section that’s betting Trump will “defeat” COVID (his own infection at least) very soon. Though we don’t have a photo of the coin yet, the site copy invites us to use our imagination about what’s coming down the pipe.

“When we heard the sad news of President Trump’s positive COVID test, once again we had faith and prayed but we knew our President would find a way to Knockout COVID in early rounds of this battle,” it reads. After some language about “Media naysayers” and “attempts to subvert [Trump] from so many negative fronts,” we’re told that the “President Donald J. Defeats COVID” coin will be “informed by superhero graphic art because surrounding President Donald J. Trump is a mythos never before seen in a United States President, a mythos not unlike The Epic Of Gilgamesh.”

Rather than dwell on a comparison that paints Trump as an ancient Mesopotamian tyrant whose story begins with his citizens suffering such incredible pain that they wail to the gods for salvation, it might be interesting to look at how the man’s “mythos” has played out over the last few days.

For example: Who could forget when the god-king was propped up in a limo to be displayed to his subjects like a diseased mannequin?

Surely, grandparents will tell their grandchildren of the just and mighty king who put his honor guard in harm’s way while they carried his palanquin through the streets to the delight of his most concerned and level-headed supporters.

One day in the future, archeologists may peer with fascination at the ruler sitting down to “work” while ill, dutifully writing his name on a blank piece of paper that other, less mythological figures would have foolishly left unsigned.

The coin-makers are right. Everything is going well and we are living through a triumph in the making. A strong, healthy leader shows his strength best by using his platform to scream about policy online while undergoing medical treatment. Truly, there is no better indication that the land is at peace and watched over by wise eyes.

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