Conner O'Malley presents the inspirational story of Corb, box-humping cryptocurrency maverick

By Reid McCarter  |  February 17, 2021 | 6:02pm
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Conner O'Malley presents the inspirational story of Corb, box-humping cryptocurrency maverick
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Conner O’Malley, creator of the world’s most popular bike- and river-based talk shows, has returned with another heartwarming story about Corb Fucker. When last we saw Corb, he was experiencing the incredible success and overcoming the hardship associated with being a celebrity trailblazer in the fields of talking to trains or discovering how “eating human shit” worked as a “cheat meal.” Now, Corb is back, and he’s discovered “Fuck Coin.” In the phrasing of the kind of videos O’Malley draws inspiration from in this series, you won’t believe what happens in Corb’s tale next.

In a pitch-perfect parody of the social media-ready, NowThis-style videos that summarize hardworking success stories and viral news celebrities, O’Malley follows Corb as he goes from a troubled guy who stumbled upon a “cryptocurrency” fortune to a troubled guy who recovers from the fallout of a cardboard box-centered sex scandal. After striking it rich “[mining] Fuck Coins out of ashtrays in front of strip clubs,” Corb’s life seemed to be going great. Then he was filmed humping an Amazon package outside someone’s home and everything went wrong. The world went into a tailspin right along with poor Corb.

The video explains that it was only with the release of a TikTok song detailing his struggles—”1000 Years Of Apology (For Fucking)”—that Corb was able to tell the world just how misunderstood he was. Celebrities applauded him for his bravery and he was reintroduced to society, ready to heal.

Corb’s story is, like O’Malley’s “QAnon for Democrats” and the far-right TruthHunters.com news show, an appropriately deranged take on the media landscape we inhabit. But, don’t let that stop you from finding inspiration in it. Like Corb, we must all learn how to overcome life’s struggles, growing beyond our past mistakes and becoming healthy, happy members of society—the kind of people strong enough to can release viral rap TikToks endorsed by Colin Powell, Rod Blagojevich, and Paul McCartney.

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