DirecTV adds DogTV channel for dogs to relieve the tedium of being a dog

Until very recently, dogs left home alone during the day have had very limited entertainment options, ranging from licking their genitals to watching Judge Judy. But thanks to the variety enabled by satellite providers and the fact that we have not yet suffered a major depression, there are more alternatives than ever for the discerning dog’s viewing habits—namely one, DogTV, which is the alternative to your dog not watching TV and just doing dog stuff. Proudly calling itself “the first and only TV network for dogs”—a claim that’s not unlike being “the first and only coffeemaker for spider monkeys,” and contradicts several inevitable Jay Leno/NBC jokes—DogTV has just landed a multiyear deal with DirecTV that will bring the premium channel to subscribers for a mere $5.99 a month, beginning this summer. That’s a huge step up for the network that’s currently only available online, where most dogs are more likely to just torrent it. Because they are bad dogs.