An outrage in Hollywood tonight, as Disney+ announced more cast members for its upcoming TV reboot of classic dog-cop movie Turner & Hooch, yet refused to give the people what they actually want, i.e., a bunch of pictures of whatever good boy or girl will end up playing giant slobber monster Hooch in the television revival. Instead, we get news that Anthony Ruivivar, Brandon Jay McLaren, Becca Tobin, and Jeremy Maguire will play a bunch of cops, bosses of cops, love interests of cops, and family members of cops, and no pictures of big friendly dogs, so hoo-fucking-ray for that.
As reported by Deadline, the four new non-Hooches join a cast that’s led by Josh Peck, who’ll be playing the inarguably less-important title character, U.S. Marshall Scott Turner. Turner’s life becomes more chaotic but also more adorable—allegedly—when he inherits a big ol’ dog named Hooch from his dad. Will this addition to his life ultimately improve his ability to “fight crime,” or whatever it is that U.S. Marshalls actually do? Jesus, yes, it’s like you people have never even seen the original Turner & Hooch.
Anyway: Ruivivar recently co-starred in The Haunting Of Hill House, McLaren made a recent appearance on The Twilight Zone, Tobin co-starred for several seasons on Glee, and Maguire is one of the Modern Family children. None of them are Hooch, no matter how much we might wish it, and while that is not, technically, their faults, it also doesn’t mean we have to like it.