Dolly Parton estate battle not remotely as classy as the woman herself

“I’m going to destroy the entire brand if you don’t get these [Dollywood business partners] out of our bit,” one reads (with parentheticals inserted by Nozell’s law team), “I’m going to go to Billboard Magazine with my shit. Just like you. I’m going to ratfuck every [Dollywood business partner] entity I can possibly conjure.” 

Then there’s the missive where Seaver boasts, “I’m not an entertainment person. I’m a killer. I sold 27 million $ worth of ammunition and arms to the Haitian Police on day Dolly died. Entertainment is not my game. I have spent my career breaking things and spying on African and Arab leaders. And protecting Dolly.”

Seaver, who was fired from his position on September 16, follows up with the claim, “All I do is warfare. Everyone needs to be worried about what I might do,” while also threatening to start a podcast to harm the Dolly Parton brand, which honestly sounds like sort of an anticlimax, intimidation-wise. 

In his response, Seaver, head of the unfortunately acronym-ed SAPS (Squadron Augmented Protection Services) doesn’t exactly defuse the incendiary tone of his communications. “I am a career soldier and military contractor and do conduct arms deals for foreign governments. I am a security professional and I am a killer,” Seaver told TMZ, adding that statements quoted by Nozell were only a matter of “two guys having rage talk and crying on the phone together while we were grieving.” 

Meanwhile, the world still mourns the loss of a truly remarkable talent and human being while those left behind scrabble over her belongings. Sounds like a really heartbreaking country song.