Elmo puppeteer Kevin Clash resigns just as another allegation no one wants to hear about surfaces
Bringing this story and the incipient void to its inevitable conclusion, Elmo puppeteer Kevin Clash has resigned from his job at Sesame Street, reaching the decision that his career as a children's entertainer might possibly be compromised by the allegations that he had a sexual relationship with a minor. Sesame Workshop made the announcement via press statement, calling the lawsuit by Clash's accuser, Sheldon Stephens, the subsequent reports of an out-of-court settlement, and Stephens' recent retraction of his recantation "a distraction that none of us want," speaking not only for Clash and Sesame Workshop, but everyone on Earth, everywhere. That distraction, the statement continues, left Clash to decide "he can no longer be effective in his job" that he's held for 28 years. "This is a sad day for Sesame Street," the statement concludes, before trudging off to buy a loaf of bread, a stick of butter, and a container of salty tears.