After DeepSeek revealed the extreme lengths Silicon Valley put toward overvaluing, overspending, and overselling their supposedly revolutionary chatbots and large language models, the world’s richest man and its worst poster is willing to continue overpaying because money means nothing when you have all of it. Elon Musk and a consortium of investors have offered $97.4 billion to buy OpenAI, which spends more than $2 for every dollar made. Not to be outdone, Sam Altman, who’s been busy overheating the planet with data servers the technology does not need, has rejected the bid and instead would like to buy Musk’s company X, formerly Twitter, and its user base of Nazis, spam artists, and bots.
Per The Wall Street Journal, Musk states he would like “OpenAI to return to the open-source, safety-focused force for good” that it was always meant to be. Far be it from us to accuse OpenAI of going woke and, therefore, broke, but OpenAI lost between $5 billion last year, and we have to assume that dastardly DEI is behind it. God damn you, Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion, always making it so white guys with all the money in the world can’t just abuse their employees without legal recourse! Surely, it can’t be that it’s an artificially hyped technology that still doesn’t have a killer app. Despite the company not being so hot in the “making stuff” department, Altman returned the gesture by making an offer on Musk’s decaying website, X, the Everything app where Kanye West declares himself a Nazi for attention. “no thank you,” Altman posted, “but we will buy twitter for $9.74 billion if you want.”
Both of them could get real jobs, like running a little shop selling something people want in exchange for a reasonable amount of money. Eh, who are we kidding? You don’t become the unelected ruler of the U.S. government by doing anything reasonably. We assume that the billionaires are getting bored of ripping us off with lousy products that get worse every day and are taking to bragging about their obscene wealth via these bidding war dick-measuring contests. Of course, Elon already has his own AI: Grok. Hasn’t anyone asked Grok what it wants? Grok sad.
