Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Friday, December 28, and Saturday, December 29. All times are Eastern.
Duck Dynasty (A&E, 7 p.m., Friday): Out of seemingly nowhere, this cable reality series about a family of duck call manufacturers became one of the biggest shows on TV, insanely popular with everybody who isn’t our readership, apparently. Now’s your chance to figure out just what it is that makes everybody else cackle with glee at the sight of men with giant beards, or, at the very least, figure out just how many duck puns you can make in the space of a few hours, as A&E is airing a three-hour mini-marathon of the show, and maybe if you watch it, you’ll finally be popular! (Probably not.)
WHAT ELSE IS ON
The Christmas Heart (Hallmark, 8 p.m., Friday): Look, it’s still the 12 days of Christmas, right? That means it’s totally fine if Hallmark wants to keep burning off cheesy Christmas movies, like this one where people use Christmas lights to get a kid a heart transplant… somehow. JUST WATCH IT, OKAY?!
American Masters (PBS, 9 p.m., Friday): The venerable culture biography series is new tonight, with a profile of the acclaimed Joffrey Ballet. The program also features excerpts from some of the company’s most famous performances, which you won’t see just anywhere. So you can feel good and cultured!
Game Of Thrones (HBO, 10 p.m., Friday): The Joffrey Ballet, however, has nothing on the Joffrey from this show, who seems likely to be crushed by the forces of Stannis Baratheon in the episode “Blackwater,” perhaps the highlight of the show’s second season and rerunning tonight. Things blow up!
Wives With Knives (Investigation Discovery, 10 p.m., Friday): Is there anything better than a show about murder with a title that rhymes? We really don’t think so, and we hope that Wives With Knives is followed by stuff like Gooses With Nooses or Moms With Bombs or Grudgels With Cudgels.
Heroes Of Hell’s Highway (Discovery, 8 p.m., Saturday): The Discovery Channel burns off all three hours of this program about a bomb-removal squad in Afghanistan tonight. Why did it commission a real-life Hurt Locker if it wasn’t going to air it? God only knows, but you’ll likely find out why if you watch.
Underemployed (MTV, 8 p.m., Saturday): We briefly covered this MTV drama, before deciding it wasn’t exactly worth it for us to do so. Anyway, now the show has been moved to Saturdays at 8, which is exactly when the MTV audience is most likely to be watching TV. So an auspicious sign for its future!
Ninotchka (TCM, 8 p.m., Friday): Greta Garbo and director Ernst Lubitsch somehow turned a tale of a communist who falls in love into the stuff of riveting romantic comedy. We know what you’re thinking: Let’s do a remake! Reese Witherspoon as the communist who falls in love! Instant greenlight!
Reign Of Fire (FX, 8 p.m., Friday): Look: You can’t just put this post-apocalyptic dragon movie on the air and not expect it to turn up in What’s On Tonight, because this is one of the most gloriously dumb movies ever made, and it’s got the greatest Matthew McConaughey performance ever put on film.
Star Wars (Spike, 8:45 p.m., Saturday): Spike’s official program listing says this is Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, and that’s all fine and good, but we say, no, no. If we say Star Wars, then you should know exactly what we’re talking about, and those are the rules of this house, young lady! Don’t question us!
Meineke Car Care Bowl of Texas: Minnesota vs. Texas Tech (ESPN, 9 p.m., Friday): Honestly, at this point, we’re pretty sure most of these early bowl games are just made up and/or attempts by lonely sporting venues to secure some sort of corporate funding. Anyway, here’s a car care bowl, if you care.
Alamo Bowl: Oregon State vs. Texas (ESPN, 6:45 p.m., Saturday): Okay, this one’s a little more like it, in that we’ve heard of it before, and both teams have somewhat respectable records this season. But what’s up with taking out-of-state teams and making them play Texas teams in Texas, huh?
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Parks & Recreation (October): We hope you’re enjoying this trip back through the best TV Club articles of the year as much as we are, and we hope you enjoyed remembering the time that that great thing happened on this show and Steve Heisler wrote, like, 5,000 words about that one scene alone. Aw!