Gallagher suffers another heart attack, retires from performing

By Sean O'Neal | March 26, 2012 | 3:29pm

Aux Features Comedy

Sledgehammer-wielding comedian Gallagher, sworn enemy of fruit, has suffered his second heart attack in 11 days, according to The Hollywood Reporter. The 65-year-old comedian has had an especially rough couple of weeks—first collapsing at a Texas bar on March 14 and spending several days in a medically induced coma, then yesterday landing in an Arizona hospital after another, reportedly “fairly mild” follow-up heart attack. Once again Gallagher is said to be awake and resting, and no doubt cracking a few Dick Cheney jokes, like the rest of America.

The news came only a couple days after Gallagher said that he was officially retiring from performing, declaring that after 32 years of wordplay and watermelons, “This is enough,” and that he hoped to focus on “just some little stuff, like retirement things—I'd like to show up at maybe company parties,” presumably meaning as the entertainment, though possibly also to load up on free shrimp. So if you work in HR, and you were hoping that Gallagher could drop by your next company picnic and illustrate the importance of “smashing the competition," pray for his recovery.