It’s May the 4th—Star Wars Day—but it’s not all fun and new Disney+ releases. Sadly, an unfortunate pallor hangs over this year’s festivities that is limiting the amount of actual celebration... oh, not COVID-19, though. No one apparently gives a shit about that now. No, many are still grappling with a beloved Resistance member’s recent fall from grace. Didn’t hear about it? Well, allow us to be the bearers of unfortunate news from a galaxy far, far away: New Orleans.
A little over a week ago, the New Orleans Police Department issued an alert for local residents to be on the lookout for Chewbacca after the Wookiee reportedly knifed a guy not far from Bourbon Street in the French Quarter.
Or, at least, someone who looks a helluva lot like Chewie. On April 24, the NOPD reported an “aggravated battery by cutting” in which “a street performer... reportedly stabbed the victim with a knife after a verbal disagreement. Police went on to add that, while the man’s Chewbacca head fell off during the fight, the suspect’s identity remains unknown. Unfortunately, no further details are available at this time, and given the fuzzball’s extensive list of abetters, we’re not sure if he’ll ever be brought to justice.
Anyway. Happy May the Fourth, everyone!
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