Here are the people who passed on Fifty Shades Of Grey, so we can stop talking about it now

By Sean O'Neal | September 4, 2013 | 6:54pm

Aux Features Film

As the casting of Fifty Shades Of Grey provokes an inevitable “Argh!” from those who feel as though they’re being ignored—and maybe they like that a little bit, like maybe they think they deserve to be punished, and maybe they have no idea how to express those feelings the way a rational adult would—today it’s time to learn who actually passed on the project, so we can put an end to the sexy brooding over what-ifs. So, here’s The Hollywood Reporter’s list of who said no way and why, before a submissive Universal was finally beaten into realizing it loved Charlie Hunnam and Dakota Johnson. Ryan Gosling was pursued to play Christian Grey, but refused on the grounds that he’s already Ryan Gosling. Producers then moved on to Garrett Hedlund, star of Tron: Legacy and so many a Hollywood compromise, then British TV actorr Christian Cooke before settling on Hunnam, who was deemed the perfect medium between not being famous enough and not being so famous that he wouldn’t agree to star in Fifty Shades Of Grey.

For the role of Anastasia Steele, the top choices were Like Crazy’s Felicity Jones (too old) and Shailene Woodley (too “conflicted with press obligations,” with Divergent and with not wanting to talk to them about a spanking movie). Elizabeth Olsen, Alicia Vikander, and Imogen Poots were also considered but rejected. (Presumably Poots was deemed “too hilarious” for a movie involving ass-play.) That neither Matt Bomer nor Alexis Bledel were even considered should at last put an end to petitions like this, is what we would say if we didn’t spend every day, all day reading the Internet—repeatedly aghast at its selfish behavior, but also, of course, really, really turned on.