Has the pace of modern clusterfuckery got you down? Do today’s fucks cluster too quickly for your taste, and with too much fucking in general? Readers, have we got a deal for you: A glimpse at the finest in clusterfucking from yesteryear—and all for free!—courtesy of your friends at America’s finest purveyors of cluckers fusting: CourtTV.
As noted by Vulture, the recently relaunched cable institution has thrown open the doors to its archives of late, allowing the historically ghoulish among us to really indulge our taste for awful things happening in the past, rather than right now, and directly in our faces. Do you want to watch the state of Florida try serial killer Aileen Wuornous for murder? Or Robert Durst beat a charge of same in Texas in 2003? It’s dealer’s choice, really, with the archives including any number of other lurid cases, many with super tasteful nicknames like “Corn Rake Murder Trial” or “Hot Car Baby Murder Trial,” all filled to the brim with a bizarre mixture of messy details and extremely dry court procedure. Either way, CourtTV’s Trials On Demand has you covered, justice lovers, with hot-and-cold streaming minutiae of all of humanity’s worst excesses at your fingertips. And the great thing is, all of it’s all already settled and resolved, allowing the schadenfreude to successfully flow.
And of course, such a library wouldn’t be complete without the crown jewel of the network’s collection, an event that helped put the original CourtTV on the map: The murder trial of O.J. Simpson in 1995. True to its status as the trial of the century that wasn’t all those other trials of the century, the O.J. trial is being treated as a true event by the site, with CourtTV celebrating its 25th anniversary with weekly rollouts of new footage. (They just got up to Kato’s testimony, and gosh, ain’t it a hoot.) Given that there are literal days worth of this stuff currently available online, you could probably put together a pretty good simulation of life in 1995 for a bit—especially if you could dig up some Dancing Itos footage to help take some of those rougher edges off.
CourtTV: There for you when you need reminding that it actually could, in fact, be a little bit worse.