Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

How Lost Can Get A Golden Globe Nomination Next Year

The Golden Globes nominations were announced this morning by Brooke Shields, Terrence Howard, Elizabeth Banks, Rainn Wilson, and some guy with a pencil mustache so oily he put the "creepily foreign" in Hollywood Foreign Press Association.

Illustration for article titled How Lost Can Get A Golden Globe Nomination Next Year

As is always the case with awards voted on by a small, junket-happy organization most often described as "shadowy," there were more than a few "What the fuck?" nominations (Anna Paquin in

True Blood?), for me most of them in the TV drama categories. (The TV comedy nominations, while just as ridiculous and misguided, are easier to ignore. When you're dealing with a group of people who consistently think Entourage is a funny show, instead of the shiny, televised fart of a show that it is, then their sense of humor is hopelessly off. The HFPA may have nominated 30 Rock and The Office, but that's probably only because they read about them in Entertainment Weekly.)

The biggest snub in the TV drama categories was Lost, which was nominated for exactly zero Golden Globes, despite the fact that the 4th season was easily one of the most dense, enjoyable dramas on TV this year. The show isn't unknown to the Golden Globes voters, either. Lost has been nominated for the Best TV Drama Golden Globe for the past three years–yes, even for the year when Sawyer and Kate were killing time in cages for half the season and that pointless couple was buried alive–and last year the HFPA even nominated Evangeline Lily for Best Actress in a TV Drama, which was hilarious because unless all the actresses in all the TV dramas called in sick for a year, no she wasn't. But their misguided nomination of Kate only proves that the HFPA presumably watches and enjoys Lost. At least, they did until the 4th season, when they mysteriously gave up on the show just when it was getting truly great.

So if Lost wants to get back on the Golden Globes radar–which is only worthwhile because the Emmys are even more useless and out-of-touch than the Golden Globes, and there aren't that many awards for TV out there–the show is going to have to make a few changes. Based on the 2008 TV nominations, below are a few suggestions as to how Lost can get a Golden Globe nomination in 2009:

1. Switch from ABC to Showtime. The HFPA apparently loves Showtime. In fact, they love it so much they nominated Dexter (which deserves it), Weeds (which is in its death throes and definitely doesn't need to be recognized), Californication (Good one, HFPA), and even The Tudors (well, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers) for awards. They probably had to restrain themselves from nominating The L-Word that's how much they love Showtime. If Lost switched to premium cable, the HFPA would be powerless to resist its pay-channel allure.

2. Cast Kyra Sedgwick as a sassy southerner-turned-Smoke-Monster. Kyra Sedgwick always gets a Golden Globe nomination no matter what she does or how many times we've seen it, so this strategy is foolproof. Alternative, guaranteed-Golden-Globe nomination, stunt casting maneuvers include: Mariska Hargitay as a whispery, tough-yet-vulnerable cop (she could work for Charles Whidmore or something), and Tony Shalhoub as Tony Shalhoub.

3. Involve Alan Ball in some way. The only way to explain half-baked Southern gothic vampire series True Blood's nomination is the Alan Ball effect. The HFPA knows that Ball is behind the series, so they're willing to forgive its many flaws. Either that, or they're giving awards now solely based on title sequences, and True Blood does have a pretty good title sequence.

4. Fuck it. Just make the island Hollywood. As Entourage's many, many nominations prove, there's nothing that the HFPA likes more than dull showbiz inside-baseball punctuated with Piven shouts. Jack's plaintive "We have to go back, Kate!" would be so much weighter if it were, "We have to go back, Kate! That Aquaman audition could make or break my career!"

5. When all else fails, have the cast take their pictures with HFPA member, Yola.

Illustration for article titled How Lost Can Get A Golden Globe Nomination Next Year

Of course, Yola doesn't vote for everyone who takes a picture with her, but it doesn't hurt.