How Many People Can Paris Rip Off In One Video?

By Amelie Gillette | June 6, 2006 | 5:35pm

Aux Features Hater

How Many People Can Paris Rip Off In One Video?

It's 6-6-06 and the apocalypse is finally at hand, but the first horseman has been replaced by something far more likely to terrify the masses: Paris Hilton's new music video.

Here's "Stars Are Blind":

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If you're afraid to watch it (I don't blame you. Everytime someone clicks Play on the Paris Hilton video, a new plague is unleashed. So far, we're up to locusts.), allow me to explain what it's like…

I realize that saying this is akin to saying "The grass is green," or "Puppies are adorable," but, God, Paris Hilton is so fucking boring. And the song and the video are perfect reflections of that. Even Paris looks bored: In fact, she gets so bored with lipsynching to her own crappy song that she keeps stopping to pose and squirm (her favorite pastimes).

And not only is it boring, it's derivative.

Here's a list of things the video rips off:

—Madonna's "Cherish" video

—Janet Jackson's "Love Will Never Do (Without You)" video

—Britney Spears' "Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know" video

—Possibly the remake of Swept Away, starring Madonna

—A Guess Jeans print ad

And here's a list of people the song rips off:

—Blondie, "The Tide Is High"

—Gwen Stefani/No Doubt, "Underneath It All"

—Ace Of Base, "The Sign"
(By the way, how do you know that your music is boring? It rips off Ace Of Base.)

But it is kind of great that the chorus of the song is "I'll show you mine," although it should continue with "But you've already seen it."

What's everyone else think?