Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

How To Artfully Distract People From Looking At Lindsay Lohan's Cleavage

1. Put your wrinkled, aging hand directly on top of the offending cleavage. This has a two pronged effect: first, it makes you look like the world's most hilariously prudish grandma, and second, to the casual viewer, it looks like Lindsay has the strangely horizontal cleavage of a hilariously prudish grandma. Either way, the focus is back on you. 2. Have Lindsay wear a towel on her head. It draws the eye safely up and away. 3. Invite Garry Marshall to squat uncomfortably in your general vicinity. It's very disconcerting, and therefore, very distracting. 4. Tell Garry to keep at least one of his hands clenched in a loose fist at all times, ready to punch the offending cleavage should it rear its distractingly youthful head. 4. Put a cake in front of her chest. A really, really big cake.


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