Humanity, spared from annihilation for one more day, celebrates by developing ALF movie

By Sean O'Neal | August 9, 2012 | 2:51pm

Aux Features TV

Waking to find it had been spared from obliteration by forces beyond its control, and would go on living and proliferating for the foreseeable future, the human race celebrated the continued miracle of its existence by putting into development a movie based on ALF, the wisecracking alien who once starred in his own NBC sitcom. "Given that we have somehow not been eradicated by famine, plague, global war, or some astronomical event swiftly arriving to remind us of the delicate thread by which our time on Earth hangs ever in the balance, our first thought was to make a movie about the Rodney Dangerfield-esque extraterrestrial who amused late-'80s audiences with his constant scheming to eat cats, as a symbol of our gratitude," original ALF puppeteer Paul Fusco said, basically. "Hey, no problem!" he added.

Jordan Kerner—producer of last year's The Smurfs, and member of a species whose unlikely evolution over torturous millennia, from space dust to sentient beings who are in control of their own destinies, remains an ineffable cosmic mystery—will develop the film as a mix of live-action and CGI, as testament to mankind's triumph over statistically insurmountable odds, and because traditional puppets cannot be as easily made to dance to popular songs. And after consulting with top astrophysicists, Sony Pictures Animation remained confident in believing that dark energy would refrain from tearing apart and consuming the entire universe for a while, potentially withholding our complete destruction long enough for it to develop ALF: Back 2 Melmac.