The dopey blond surfer guy in the TMZ newsroom who always intros his photos on TMZ TV with, "I don't know who this is, but," and the intern who came up with the headline, "They Don't Call It SAG For Nothin'" had better watch out. There's a new comedic force on the most garish of celebrity gossip sites: soon-to-be CBS variety show star, and human droning fork, John Mayer—and his urethra is so wide it's an officially designated commercial shipping channel.