Lars Von Trier's Nymphomaniac will be five hours long and maybe even spawn a TV series

By Sean O'Neal | September 12, 2013 | 5:36pm

Aux Features Film

As hinted at by a marketing strategy that’s seen three separate “appetizers” served in as many months, Lars Von Trier’s Nymphomaniac is a feast that’s meant to be savored, across multiple tastings of psychosexual drama and celebrity penis. But if a report on the Norwegian film site Montages can be believed, that feast will be a five-hour steady gorging, until you stumble away from the table unable to stomach even the most wafer-thin metaphor for the emptiness of human intimacy. According to that article, each of Nymphomaniac’s two dangly parts reportedly runs two and a half hours, making for five hours total of watching one woman’s erotic journey spread across several decades and untold numbers of whoring beds.

And because, as with lovemaking, five hours is barely enough time to really get into it, producers are also contemplating adding a Nymphomaniac TV series as a companion piece to the films—a companion who will, like all companions, only bring you more pain and sorrow, with intermittent sex scenes. If that proves a success, perhaps Von Trier can also start personally appearing in your bedroom, providing a soundtrack of knowingly bitter laughter every time you do it. [via The Playlist]