Let's sort through the good, the missing, and the really, really weird of these Disney+ titles

By Randall Colburn | October 14, 2019 | 7:19pm

Aux Features TV

Let's sort through the good, the missing, and the really, really weird of these Disney+ titles

Screenshot: Can Of Worms

Disney joined Trump and Succession in clogging the Twitter timelines of anyone who sought to casually browse the platform this morning, dropping an absurd tweet-by-tweet preview of everything you’ll be able to stream on its upcoming service. This effort resulted in a tweetstorm to rival that of our messy president, so we’ve provided a handy, straightforward breakdown of the included titles to ensure you won’t be scrolling through the end of time. We’ve also, in this here post, decided to highlight some especially notable titles, some really fucking weird ones, and a handful of truly shocking—well, to some—omissions.

What’s there

On the Marvel front, expect some highlights from the MCU’s first two phases: Iron Man, Iron Man 3, Thor: The Dark World, Avengers: Age Of Ultron, and Ant-Man will be available when the service launches, as will Captain Marvel, the only Phase Three title to make the initial cut. There’s plenty of old Marvel animated series to fill in the gaps, though. See a list of what’s included—Spider-Woman!—below.

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As for Star Wars, the first and second trilogies will be available at launch, as will Star Wars: The Force Awakens and Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. The Clone Wars film, along with the first five seasons (and Lost Missions) of the series. All seasons of Rebels and the first season of Resistance will also join a handful of LEGO Star Wars content.

As you might expect, Disney’s flagships will also be unleashed from the vault. We’re talking about Sleeping Beauty, Fantasia, Dumbo, Bambi, Mary Poppins, The Little Mermaid, and many, many more. If you’re of a younger generation, you’ll be pleased to see latter-day stalwarts like High School Musical, The Suite Life of Zack & Cody, and Wizards Of Waverly Place available for streaming. And if you’re, let’s say, in your early-to-mid 30s, you’ll be pleased to know that Gargoyles and Darkwing Duck will both be on hand.

There’s plenty of other franchises that will enjoy a new life on Disney+, from the Herbie films to the Pirates Of The Caribbean to Disney’s two Narnia movies to the new Tron entries.

You’ll also find some excellent Fox properties that you likely weren’t expecting to pop up on Disney+. Sure, you knew the entirety of The Simpsons would be available, but did you know The Sandlot, The Sound Of Music, Millions, and Miracle On 34th Street would, too? The more you know.

What’s there that you totally forgot about

First off, there’s two actors who are benefitting especially well from this influx of old titles. There’s Don Knotts, of course, who, in addition to his iconic roles on The Andy Griffith Show and Three’s Company, headlined a veritable slew of zany Disney content in his heyday.

And then there’s Kurt Russell, who, before he became an icon of genre-philes everywhere as Snake Plissken, lent his fresh face to quirky originals like The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes and The Barefoot Executive, which co-stars a chimp.

There’s lots of other interesting curios hidden in this info-dump, like Disney’s Academy Award-winning 1954 documentary, The Vanishing Prairie.

Or the forgotten Shaggy Dog sequel, The Shaggy D.A.

Or Perri, a 1957 live-action movie about squirrels who fall in love.

Were you a Zenon: Girl Of The 21st Century fan? Prepare to be again, the 1999 movie will be accompanied by both of its sequels.

And who can forget 1991's White Fang, which has been—and should continue to be—a coming-of-age staple for tweens the world over.

Also, did you know there was a Mighty Ducks animated series? You do now!

What’s missing

Look, there is so, so much on this streamer, but that hasn’t stopped the Disney faithful from pointing out a lack of fucking Wuzzles.

You, though, may be more worked up over the Marvel content not currently in the queue. Well, rest assured because it’s coming. Endgame will hit the streamer in December, followed by Infinity War, Ant-Man and the Wasp, Black Panther, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Guardians of the Galaxy, Iron Man 2 and Thor: Ragnarok in 2020. And that’s to say nothing of the slew of original Marvel series Disney+ is putting out, from WandaVision to Hawkeye to whatever the Loki show is called.

Star Wars will be taking a similar route, with Disney promising Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Solo: A Star Wars Story, and a new season of The Clone Wars in the near future, as well as The Rise of Skywalker, the Obi-Wan series, and the Rogue One prequel.

Disney OGs, however, are decrying the absence of a number of other films and series, some that truly plum the depths of the House Of Mouse’s ample production history. Is anyone else sad about not being able to rewatch My Date With The President’s Daughter or Wander Over Yonder or Flash Forward? If so, you’re not alone.

Also missing: Buzz Lightyear Of Star Command, Mickey’s Christmas Carol, The Watcher In The Woods, and the Aladdin TV series. Maybe they’re on YouTube?

Okay, now what the hell are these

When you make as many movies as Disney—and, we should note, as many weird movies—not everything is going to permeate the zeitgeist. Some, like 1959's Darby O’Gill And The Little People, simply drift into the back of the attic, only to be dusted off to the bemusement of a distant generation.

You might have fond memories of these bygone titles, but not everyone will believe your recollections. Some, in fact, might assert that Disney is simply padding out its announcement with fake posters that just sound like something Disney might’ve made 60 years ago.

But, no, stuff like Fuzzbucket and Mr. Boogedy and Crash & Bernstein are all too real.

We, for example, had a hard time believing 1999's Can Of Worms, about an “alien lawyer” called The Bom, could have ever crawled from the human mind, but we were pleased as punch to be proven wrong.

If you’ve got three hours to kill, Disney+ has also compiled a video with clips from “basically everything” coming to its platform on November 12. We’ve queued it up to the best scene.