Lindsay Lohan Is A Baby

When most of us saw the above E-Trade baby commercial, we saw the creepy sexualization of infants in order to sell some do-it-yourself Boiler Room fantasy website. When Lindsay Lohan saw the above E-Trade baby commercial she saw a mirror. This is nothing new. Lindsay Lohan sees her reflection everywhere—in the sky, in lightbulbs, on take-out menus, in the Toys R Us logo, trapped inside grilled cheese sandwiches, in portraits of Alexander Hamilton—but since this was an unauthorized reflection, Lindsay Lohan is suing E-Trade. Seriously. Hilariously.

From The NY Post:

Lindsay Lohan is suing the financial company E-Trade, insisting that a boyfriend-stealing, "milkaholic" baby in its latest commercial — who happens to be named Lindsay — was modeled after her. And she wants $100 million for her pain and suffering, The Post has learned.

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The actress filed a lawsuit yesterday in Nassau County Supreme Court over the commercial that debuted during the Super Bowl this year.

Lohan's lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, said the actress has the same single-name recognition as Oprah or Madonna.

"Many celebrities are known by one name only, and E-Trade is using that knowledge to profit," Ovadia said.

"They used the name Lindsay," Ovadia said. "They're using her name as a parody of her life. Why didn't they use the name Susan? This is a subliminal message. Everybody's talking about it and saying it's Lindsay Lohan."

Lindsay Lohan's lawyer is right: everyone is saying the alcoholic sexualized baby in the E-Trade commercials is Lindsay Lohan, but that's only because Lindsay Lohan said it first in a hilarious $100 million lawsuit. Specifically, everyone is saying: "You know Lindsay Lohan?"

Everyone else: "You mean Lindsay?"

Everyone: "Yeah, obviously I mean the starlet known only as Lindsay. She thinks that creepy, drunk E-Trade baby tramp is based on her, and she wants $100 million from E-Trade because she's sad and desperate and broke."

Everyone else: "Well, anything that gets E-Trade sued for continuously launching those disgusting talking babies into our national conciousness."

Everyone: "Agreed."

Hopefully, Lindsay Lohan will inspire more frivolous lawsuits by down-and-out celebrities who see themselves in the E-Trade babies and other hideously annoying company mascots. Has Mischa Barton seen the Geiko gecko? Cause that's totally her. Everyone is saying it.