Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade to be made into a movie the whole family can quietly tolerate

By Sean O'Neal | March 10, 2011 | 5:29pm

Aux Features Film

The annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade—in which iconic licensed cartoon characters and corporate logos come together like Pilgrims and Native Americans for an annual feast of synergy and corn—has just sold its film rights, which is something it apparently had. Producers say they are now “aiming to make a four-quadrant, family-friendly film somewhere in that Night At The Museum, Elf sweet spot,” otherwise known as the mossy plateau where Americans beach themselves during the holidays in order to negate the need to talk to their relatives for a little while, a bit of quiescence soundtracked by the numbing hum of familiarity, so as not to distract from the wistful contemplation of another year passing and still no closer to understanding each other, not really—is this how life is forever meant to be?

Macy’s, for its part, says that it is “always searching for the next Miracle On 34th Street,” and clearly has hopes that this, too, will be a film that reminds people there is a store named Macy’s where you can buy things; please continue to buy things. And though Macy’s Thanksgiving Day: The Parade: The Movie is still in the early planning stages, several concepts have already been pointed to with a listless sigh, such as the idea of having the floats come to life and so on and so on and then someone like Ben Stiller and 3-D and etc.