MC: It’s really interesting, because so much of it is focused on the cannibalism. I can’t even really get my mind around that, because I think about vampirism as being a very common fetish. All the iconography around vampires is very sexual, but to me, it’s not that far removed from cannibalism. I feel like, though—this is why the kink community is composed of people who really, really negotiate.
AVC: Yeah, totally.
MC: If you had negotiated this beforehand, then you wouldn’t be in this space where people are so angry that they’re coming out with this stuff [in public].
I really see that the rage of these women who want to talk about it, and so it seems like more of an abusive situation and needing to deal with that. People are more fascinated with the cannibalism, but I think that fetishes don’t really apply here. It’s more about, where is he abusive and where did he cross the line there to make people so angry and want to lash out at him?
There are a lot of people who love the idea of nonconsensual play, but that’s gotta be really heavily negotiated. To me it’s less of a cannibalism… [Laughs.] it’s so weird. And I think it’s also because he makes you think of American Psycho. He’s so clean cut and icy white perfect. There’s such a robotic nature to his being that it’s tantalizing to think of him as this very sick person—which, you know, may be true. I don’t know. But I do think that that’s also an archetype. “Nobody can be that perfect. They’ve got to have this sickness underneath.”
Like I said, it really isn’t about the fetish. It’s more about, why is he crossing a line where people are very upset with him? That’s a pattern thing in relationships. I mean, you know, people get turned on for all sorts of reasons. And when you’re interested in something that’s, let’s say, not mainstream and you’re working with power dynamics, you have to make sure that the people that you’re playing with are really okay with what you’re going into.
AVC: Don’t spring it on someone in their DMs.
MC: I mean, I guess you could, but you’re going to have to send some other DMs before that to make sure that there’s consent there.
When I think about my own past sexually, I’ve done lots of weird stuff. But the weirder it is and the more intense it is, the more it’s negotiated, you know? You really have to know what you’re doing when you’re communicating. It’s less about the actions, and more about the feelings.
AVC: Do you think that the fact that he didn’t seem to be negotiating these things and just sort of dumped them on people as a sign of larger toxic dynamics?
MC: For sure. But it’s also a thing of, how is that even a relationship when you’re not going into how this is going to be taken, or felt? Why do you feel so entitled that you can just say these things? I’m just unfamiliar with somebody who doesn’t negotiate these things beforehand, because to me, that’s not play, that’s violence.
I don’t want to kink-shame. I’m a kinkster myself, so that’s not something that I would want to do. I’m not putting down the kink, I’m just not understanding the communication. This is a “I need to take a class” type of situation. I do that a lot. I was taking a lot of bondage workshops before the pandemic. I was working on my knot work. And there was so much in those classes about communication and about consent and levels of consent—and really, you can go really far with consent. None of this would be a problem if it was completely consensual activity, but because they are so upset, it’s not consensual.