Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Friday, February 12 & Saturday, February 13. All times are Eastern.
Saturday Night Live (NBC, 11:30 p.m., Saturday): SNL is following up the first really solid episode of the season with comedy all-star Melissa McCarthy, in her fourth hosting appearance, and “human Rorschach test” Kanye West on the heels of some typically Kanye online rants, multimedia album launch events, and baffling video game announcements? Yup, you’re gonna watch this one. Dennis Perkins certainly is. It’s his job and everything, but he’d probably do it anyway, if for no other reason than to see if the show does a Bill Cosby sketch and Kanye runs out, saying, “Okay, Kenan Thompson, I’m gonna let you finish, but…”
Sleepy Hollow (Fox, 8 p.m., Friday): Last week, Zack Handlen begrudgingly said that Ichabod and the rest of the evil-battlers in Sleepy Hollow dealt with the absence of Nicole Beharie’s Abbie in moderately entertaining fashion. (She’s in another dimension—it’s a whole Sleepy Hollow thing.) Still, the fact that the description of this week’s episode also suggests a lack of Abbie is just trying Zack’s patience. Which is not wise, Sleepy Hollow. Anyway, Ichabod and Sophie (who is no Abbie) try to save Abbie this time, so that’s something.
The Vampire Diaries (CW, 8 p.m., Friday): Damon, who, frankly, has been something of a loose cannon all season, spirals out of control under Julian’s influence. Plus, there’s a supernatural pregnancy thing going on. Damon’s probably not pregnant, although Carrie Raisler promises to bump her review grade up one whole letter if that turns out to be true.
Grimm (NBC, 9 p.m., Friday): “An ancient and barbaric Wesen ritual claims lives in Portland.” Again, Portland native Les Chappell would like to assure everyone that Grimm’s depiction of Portland, Oregon, as a hotbed of paranormal monster-murder is relatively exaggerated. Like, by 20 per cent. 20-30 per cent exaggerated. Les is definitely not part of any Portland Chamber of Commerce cabal, so let’s cool it with those rumors right now, people. And now, since NBC denied us pre-air pics of the lizard monster from last week’s episode, here he is:
But can he measure up to this episode’s, um, bull man-type guy? Let’s go to the Grimm Monster Picture of the Week!
Childrens Hospital (Adult Swim, 11 p.m., Friday): At long last, the stunning origin of Beth Dover’s Nurse Beth! LaToya Ferguson knows that, considering Childrens Hospital’s, let’s call it, free-form approach to continuity, she could be anything from the author behind the show to Henry Winkler in a wig, to LaToya Ferguson, Childrens Hospital reviewer herself. It could happen.
All right, people, we’ll play your game. In this week’s AVQ&A, your favorite, dreamy-eyed AV Clubbers reveal what fictional characters they secretly ship. Although none of them will admit to writing Terriers fan fiction at this juncture. Then, in her For Our Consideration feature, Molly Eichel posits that the best love stories on TV right now are between women. Nope, we’re not telling you which ones—just click the link, lazybones. (Plus, she may ship them, you don’t know. Click both links to find out, and stop your dilly-dallying.) After that, Joshua Alston checks in on the Martin Scorcese-Mick Jagger-created HBO series Vinyl in his pre-air TV Review. (And, yes, you read those names correctly.) For Love Week, Alex McCown brings you a Watch This about a Friends proposal that didn’t go well… or did it? And why not hop over to the Film section to look in on the brand-new A History Of Violence feature where, this week, Tom Breihan examines how one of the most controversial Westerns of all time also inspired the John Woo-style balletic action film. And again, no, not telling you which one. Click the link if you’re so intrigued. That’s what it’s there for.
NBA All-Star Celebrity Game (ESPN, 7 p.m., Friday): It’s the annual pro-am goof-about, with former NBA-ers and celebrities with projects to plug squaring off in a game based on a nonexistent USA-Canada hoops feud. With the cast of a sitcom you’d definitely watch, including: Jason Sudekis, Muggsy Bogues, Drake, Kevin Hart, Chauncey Billups, Rick Fox, a guy from Arcade Fire, two guys from HGTV, Tracy McGrady, Anthony Anderson, Nick Cannon, Stephan James, and WNBA MVP Elena Delle Donne.
Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown (ABC, 8 p.m., Friday): Chuck waits by the mailbox, becomes the romantic model of far, far too many kids who grew up watching this. (Followed by the off-brand 2002 Peanuts special A Charlie Brown Valentine.)
The Amazing Race (CBS, 8 p.m., Friday): In this 28th-season premiere, eleven teams of “social media personalities” compete for the million bucks. Sadly, at the opening of the race in Mexico City, half of them fall into the same open manhole while live-tweeting, “Mexico City has so many open manholes, LO…”
Shark Tank (NBC, 8:30 p.m., Friday): Among the would-be inventors this week: “Two Minneapolis women have created a sweetener that tastes just like honey, but not made by bees.” So… people? We’re all thinking it’s people, right? If it’s people, they have to tell us.
Hawaii Five-O (NBC, 9 p.m., Friday): The team discovers a murder based on marital infidelity, then reminisce about their worst Valentine’s Day experiences, all of which end with, “Well, at least we didn’t commit a murder-suicide like these two, am I right?” And then they laugh and laugh and laugh.
Meru (Showtime, 9 p.m., Friday): Documentary about three extreme climbers attempting to make their way up the Shark Fin, a near-vertical face on a Himalayan mountain. Fun fact: “The Shark Fin” is translated as “nonsense hellscape we don’t mess with because there are way more important things to do” by the locals.
The Originals (CW, 9 p.m., Friday): All the sexy vampires on this The Vampire Diaries spinoff are swooping all over the place trying to find the secret weapon that could wipe them all out, completely ignoring all the pointy sticks just sitting around everywhere. That’s how they get you.
American Masters (PBS, 9 p.m., Friday): B.B. King, people. That’s all you need to know, right?
Second Chance (Fox, 9 p.m., Friday): “Pritchard is hospitalized after a brutal fight.” At the hospital, he’s heard complaining, “But… I’m all strong and young now… “
The Rap Game (Lifetime, 10 p.m., Friday): Not featured on tonight’s episode:
Blue Bloods (CBS, 10 p.m., Friday): A group of women pull a Spartacus and all confess to murdering their boss. Sadly for them, Tom Selleck’s mustache is on the case—it twitches every so slightly in the presence of a murderess. Not a lot of people know that about Tom Selleck.
Vice (HBO, 11 p.m., Friday): The newsmagazine takes on the terrorist attacks in Paris and the trek of Syrian refugees into Europe, promising to leave you wiser and sadder. So, so much sadder.
Animals (HBO, 11:30 p.m., Friday): In her pre-air review, Molly Eichel said this of the second episode of the quirky animated series (starring the voices of everyone you like, no exceptions): “In second episode ‘Pigeons,’ a golf ball lands in the nest of a male pigeon who believes it’s an egg and that he’s become a mother, leading to a relationship with another male pigeon and a possible gender transition.”
Heart Felt (Ion, 7 p.m., Saturday): Ion tries to horn in Lifetime and Hallmark’s made-for-TV movie turf. From the description (“A woman with a seemingly idyllic life receives an unexpected surprise on Valentine’s Day when her boyfriend’s ex shows up with a DNA test proving that he’s the father of her child”) it sounds like they’ve got the formula down, anyway.
Mythbusters (Discovery, 8 p.m., Saturday): The guys test out how bulletproof stuff is, how explosion-proof other stuff is, and how easy it is to do drift-racing on dirt… presumably while being shot at and having explosives lobbed at them.
Wrong Swipe (Lifetime, 8 p.m., Saturday): Oh shit, Lifetime discovered Tinder.
Valentine Ever After (Hallmark, 9 p.m., Saturday): “Two city gals visit a Wyoming dude ranch and get into a bar brawl, so they’re forced to stay in town to fulfill a community-service sentence.” Then they go in search of Curly’s gold?! Oh, one of them finds love with a cowboy. That’s disappointing.
Republican Presidential Debate (CBS, 9 p.m., Saturday): And now we’re down to just a few. Don’t worry though, joke writers—the really ridiculous ones are still in the race!
Black Sails (Starz, 9 p.m., Saturday): Pirates square off against a new enemy; pirate civilization returns to Nassau, and puts a pirate in its crosshairs; apirate makes a stand against the crew; and another pirate finds a place with the new regime. This show is about pirates.
Beowulf (Esquire, 10 p.m., Saturday): We’ve been promised monsters.
Sports Illustrated Swimsuit 2016 (TNT, 10:30 p.m., Saturday): Warning: Does not come with a football-shaped phone.
Austin City Limits (PBS, 11 p.m., Saturday): The Tedeschi Trucks Band perform selections from their 2016 “Let Me Get By” album. Are they your bag? Let’s find out:
Men’s College Basketball: Dayton At Rhode Island (ESPN2, 7 p.m., Friday)
NASCAR Sprint Unlimited At Daytona (Fox, 8 p.m., Friday)
Men’s College Basketball: UCLA At Arizona (ESPN, 9 p.m., Friday)
NBA Rising Stars Challenge (TNT, 9 p.m., Friday)
Men’s College Basketball: Wisconsin at Maryland (ESPN, 6:30 p.m., Saturday)
Men’s College Basketball: Tulsa at Connecticut (ESPN2, 8 p.m., Saturday)
Men’s College Basketball: Texas at Iowa State (ESPN, 8:30 p.m., Saturday)
Men’s College Basketball: Gonzaga At SMU (ESPN2, 10 p.m., Saturday)
Scandal: Scandal’s back! Everything’s ridiculous and awesome—just the way Gwen Ihnat likes it.