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Nonexistent child named “Pickle” supports Donald Trump, so we all should too

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During yesterday’s White House press briefing, Sarah Huckabee Sanders apparently decided it was time for a little positivity in this country. America is divided, there’s no question there, she must have thought. What better way to begin the healing process than with a fictional letter from a bullshit made-up child?

So Sanders read aloud the following letter, from 9-year-old Dylan, who goes by “Pickle.”


It’s amazing that young Pickle was able to ”ask” “questions” that directly address some of the president’s myriad insecurities; issues of size, of likability, of “monny.” He even included a picture of himself, so that if Donald Trump happens to see Pickle out on the town, he can say hello.


Before you ask, “Hey, isn’t it possible that somewhere in this great country, there’s a boy named Pickle who just wants his new friend Donald Trump to be liked,” sure, it’s possible. Nine-year-old kids are dumb, and believe stupid things.

But consider this: Trump has a history of posing as his own publicist and, more recently, his own administration’s anonymous source in an attempt to put his buffoonery in a better light. It’s unclear why inventing a fictional child who can’t spell seemed like a remedy for Trump’s tanking approval rating—imagine the polls turning around as the country realizes Pickle, yes him that Pickle, has spoken out in support of Trump—but then, nothing makes sense any more.

Real or not (he’s not real), America’s sweet beautiful Pickle has been turned into a meme, as is the way of all flesh.