The coronavirus pandemic has made just about every aspect of life different than it was before, and this extends, as New York City Health details in an important PSA, to having sex. As posted in a tweet by Josh Barro, city officials have arrived (not at all prematurely) with a set of guidelines meant to encourage safer COVID-era boinking thatâs goddamn tumescent with creative ideas.
âSafer Sex And COVID-19" is a treasure trove of great advice. Aside from the obvious points about staying home and â[minimizing] contact with othersâ as much as possible, the PSA acknowledges that, yeah, people want to and will continue to bang whenever possible, and tries to mitigate that risk. NYC Health encourages its readers to only have sex with people they already live with or to just rub one out instead of risking infection. It says not to have group sex either, but adds that, âif you decide to find a crowd,â precautions like hosting your orgy in âlarger, more open, and well-ventilated spacesâ and narrowing down your guest list are good ideas.
The pamphlet also says that itâs a good idea to avoid physical contact altogether, opting instead for âvideo dates, sexting, subscription-based fan platformsâ or âsexy âZoom parties.ââ Our favorite tips are the most inventive ones: In a section called âTake care during sex,â the PSA says that, hey, maybe â[wearing] a face covering or maskâ or getting âcreative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like wallsâ might help. You heard it from NYC Health first: If you canât deny yourself any longer, throw on a face shield and get over to the nearest glory hole to sort things out.
All of this advice is, in our current moment, valuable and potentially life-saving. Because weâre eternal seventh-graders, itâs also hilarious. Still, even if we canât resist laughing at some of the language, that doesnât mean readers shouldnât follow the guidelines set out by NYC Health and go forth to enjoy a fulfilling pandemic sex life full of knocking face masks together and rubbing up against the walls of bathroom stalls.
Ends August 15
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