Our commenters weigh in on the "so bad on purpose" Sandler flicks they'd like to see
Having been snubbed by the Academy for his performance in Uncut Gems, the world must now wait to see if Adam Sandler will make good on his promise to create a movie “that is so bad on purpose.” Fortunately, the decades we’ve all spent watching Sandler’s bad-but-not-on-purpose oeuvre have prepared us for this eventuality, providing plenty of inspiration for writing up our own pitches.
Since posting these, our commenters have been busy dreaming up their own cinematic treasures. Here are a few of the best (?) ideas we read.
Master Gator, by Guy Under The Seats
Adam Sandler is stuttering, baby-voiced Cajun chef Michele Fontenot, who has left the bayou to open a wildly popular restaurant in Times Square featuring a giant alligator tank. He is smitten with Drew Barrymore, who runs a school for developmentally disabled children, and has invited her to bring the children to a closed-door dinner at the restaurant. But when he finds out that the city health inspector (Fran Drescher), who wants to close down the restaurant and turn it into a organic salad bar and feminist reading room, is making a surprise inspection the same night, he bribes his friends Kevin James, Rob Schneider, and David Spade with a case of Cajun moonshine to spend their Sunday cleaning and repairing the restaurant. In the ensuing drunken hijinks, his friends accidentally release the enormous star alligator from its tank into the NYC sewers, and Sandler and his friends have to track it down before the city finds out. Deep in the sewers they meet Chris Rock, a wild but wise homeless man with a telepathic connection to rats. But will they all be able to corral the real gator before the restaurant guests discover that Rob Schneider has been left in the tank in a giant alligator costume as a decoy, forced to eat the pig feet and crawfish shells thrown at him by the schoolchildren? Find out this February in “Master Gator”!
Billy Goes To College, by BIMming It
Billy Madison is in his 50's, his father is dead and the business along with it. While he’s far from broke, having inherited most of his fathers estate, Billy starts attending community college in hopes of bringing his father’s company back to its former glory. Things go sideways when his professor turns out to be Eric Gordon, his former rival who left the company in shame. He’s tenured, and he’s going to make life hell for Billy (who still goes by Billy). Norm MacDonald cameo just to repeat the “Hey Billy… Where’s Billy at?” line, and the penguin returns and recites popular lines from the original film. Billy also has some punk kids light a flaming bag of poo and leave it on his doorstep, the significance of which is completely lost to Billy.
All Up Inside Our Own Butts, by Hagbard Selina Kyle
Adam Sandler stars as Rob Schneider, who’s been hired to star in a movie biopic of David Spade. But Sandler’s Schneider has a different vision of the Spade character than director Dennis Dugan, a frequent Adam Sandler director but a man whom Schneider does not see eye to eye with. Dugan, played by Kevin James, will butt heads with Schneider, played by Sandler of course, over their creative differences. Dugan will then bring in Adam Sandler, played by Stone Cold Steve Austin, to talk Schneider/Sandler into buying into his vision of the David Spade biopic. Sandler/Austin is adamant that Dugan/James bring in Chris Rock, played by Young Sheldon, to play the role of Chris Farley. Schneider/Sandler wants Kevin James, played by TJ Miller, to play Farley.