Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Thursday, September 11. All times are Eastern.
The Quest (ABC, 8 p.m.): It’s the two-hour finale event of the live-action role-playing reality show that has stolen our hearts. And because we’re in the week right before the return of fall TV—a return we’re both kind of terrified by and really looking forward to—we’re dropping in on this irregular finale, to hold on to it for a few minutes more. This summer has been kind of terrible, and we’re looking forward to putting it away. But letting go is always hard, dear readers. With bittersweet emotions we turn to the finale of The Quest, which has marked all that was golden and pure about these last fleeting months. Tonight the Paladins escape from Rana village and then crown a hero. Genevieve Valentine hopes the hero is not Christian, the villainous bro. Although really, she wishes that the show’s creators had not felt the need to edit someone into the role of villainous bro at all.
(Apparently, tonight is about taking your pick between watching stuff about the 13th anniversary of 9/11, an extreme weight-loss competition, or the Baltimore Ravens. Fun.)
History Special: Rebuilding The World Trade Center (History Channel, 6 p.m.): Two-hour special on the building of New York City’s One World Trade Center, better known as the Freedom Tower, built next to the space where the fallen World Trade Center once stood. So, that will be cheerful.
The Biggest Loser: Glory Days (NBC, 8 p.m.): This is the debut of a special season of The Biggest Loser where previous contestants are returning the show to participate in dangerous weight-loss yet another time, to compete for a more terrifying goal!
Thursday Night Football (CBS, 8:25 p.m.): The Pittsburgh Steelers at the Baltimore Ravens. Awkward.
Sonia Saraiya has something to say about romantic comedy premises sneaking their way onto television sitcoms, and she’s mad about it. So she wrote a For Our Consideration about the rise of the rom-sitcom, which is a term she made up and is somewhat proud of. But only somewhat, because come on, let’s not kid ourselves.
And we’ve got two pre-air reviews for you: One from Genevieve Valentine on Deliverance Creek, the Civil War-esque Nicholas Sparks show with Lauren Ambrose that makes us sad for her career; the other from LaToya Ferguson on Z Nation, which has a pilot episode titled “Puppies And Kittens,” though it is like, about zombies.
Battlestar Galactica (2 p.m.): Today, Sonia Saraiya is covering ”Water” and “Bastille Day,” two complicated and kind of weird early episodes of the season that introduce a lot of complication to the battle of good and evil. Plus, Starbuck wears aviators.
Haven (Syfy, 8 p.m.): Season five premiere. Nathan and Duke are mourning Audrey, who seems to be gone for good, but probably isn’t. Well, she is like, evil Mara now. Haven!
Project Runway (Lifetime, 9 p.m.): The designers have to make weather-appropriate fashion in an episode titled “Rainway.” So they’ll be walking around in the rain. This will be great preparation for haute couture’s corporate shift as climate change worsens.
Dating Naked (VH1, 9 p.m.): A former Marine and a British dance instructor. We’re all just sitting here letting this happen, guys.
Rush (USA, 9 p.m.): Sarah’s looking for a sperm donor, which stresses out Rush. Because Rush’s sperm are in a rush? Rush, sperm, rush! Rush rushrush rushr ush rush *starts drooling, froths at mouth*
Ice Lake Rebels (Animal Planet, 9 p.m.): It’s time for the Ice Lake Games. The off-the-grid libertarians in Alaska have an annual skills event to test basic survival abilities, like building fires, throwing axes, and pulling toboggans. It sounds a little like an ancient mating ritual, so we’re just gonna assume that’s the case.
The Secret Lives Of Pets (NBC, 10 p.m.): There is no description for this hour of programming presented by NBC News. The Secret Lives Of Pets are so secret that we can’t even know what they are. What could it possibly be? We admit to a lot of curiosity.
Black Jesus (Adult Swim, 11 p.m.): Tonight, the gang is bottling green tomato sauce while Ms. Ludi makes peace with the CCSWC. We tried to google what that is and came up with a tech hashtag, so… we don’t know who she is making peace with. Unless it is a tech hashtag that she exchanged nasty words with.
The League: Did you know that Pilot Viruet is reviewing The League on Wednesday nights? Because if you didn’t, hey, stop by!