The Hollywood Wax Museum, a place that apparently specializes in laughably unrecognizable celebrity wax likenesses, is auctioning off some of their inventory to make room for more sadness. While this is great news for people who have always thought a creepy statue of Tom Cruise would really warm up their breakfast nook, or for people who want to stockpile wax figures for 2021 when the world will recognize only wax smiles as currency, but the auction catalog is also a great barometer for determining the overall worth of certain tv and film icons. Is there a better way of figuring out the relative worth of certain celebrities? Probably. Is there a better way that also includes pictures of wax figures? Definitely not.
Take, for example, Nicole Kidman:
Yes, that's supposed to be Nicole Kidman. You don't remember her harrowing 1991 portrayal of Long-Torsoed Chico's Catalog Model?
Priced at $1000-$1500, Kidman is one of the cheapest wax figures up for auction—a fact that could be chalked up to the fact that her wax figure doesn't even pretend to remotely resemble her. But as you'll see, all of these wax figures are only vaguely recognizable nightmares. The reason that Kidman's price is so low is because The Hollywood Wax Museum surmised, correctly, that people wouldn't pay that much to own a misshapen wax shadow of Nicole Kidman. Despite her fame, she's not worth that much. So which wax people are more valuable than Nicole Kidman?