Plushies are freaking out over Ted, just like you maybe imagined and then tried not to think about

By Sean O'Neal | July 2, 2012 | 4:11pm

Aux Features Film

Offering another explanation for Ted's box-office dominance this weekend: The film has already become an object of obsession for plushies, the close-knit, probably chafed community of stuffed animal fetishists who have naturally taken great interest in Seth MacFarlane's horny talking teddy bear, as he has clearly been reading their dream journals. According to TMZ, fetish clearinghouse Clips4Sale.com—the same site that previously begged ABC to release Nancy Grace's fart, which we all purposefully forgot about until right now—has sent a similar request to MacFarlane asking for the rights to Ted's likeness so he can become the site's new mascot, thus giving them an advantage over all the many plushie-oriented websites crowding the marketplace, since people who hump stuffed animals are very discerning.

"Not since ALF has there been this kind of excitement over a stuffed animal," the letter reads. ("ALF is not an animal, he's a Melmacian," someone holding a disconcertingly sticky ALF doll whom you are glad you cannot see replied.) MacFarlane has yet to respond to the site's "very serious" request, though hopefully he'll soon realize the importance to a community for whom Ted is essentially their Magic Mike. And actually, considering Magic Mike's second-place finish, this may be all the proof we need that plushies are now America's predominate sexual orientation.