Last night, dark clouds gathered, the sky turned crimson, large glistening boils sprouted on the flesh of the innocent, and the third episode of The Real Housewives Of New York City oozed on the air. It was a pretty average episode—Bethenny squawked, sad home-spa treatments were had, Ramona continued to have a probable head injury, and the gristley new housewife fell off of a horse, a triumph for sentient overcooked chicken wings everywhere—but watching it, I felt as if something besides life-sustaining oxygen was missing. Then Ramona tried to one-up Governor Patterson in terms of blindness, and it hit me: catchphrases. This show needs more catchphrases.
Like Top Chef ("monkey ass") and Project Runway ("fierce," "make it work"), The Real Housewives Of New York City as a Bravo reality competition show (they're all unofficially competing for the title of "Most Loathesome") is required to have a number of grating catchphrases. It's a convention of the genre that the public expects, and that Bravo's t-shirt department demands. So far, however, only Jill (Currently last place in the "Most Loathesome" competition) has managed to come up with one:
"I wanted to die. I wanted to die!" It's not the best catchphrase in the world, but it works and is a sentiment the audience can more than relate to when watching the show. Congratulations, Jill.
As for the other housewives, here are a few possible catchphrases for them to try:
Bethenny:
"Gettin' friggy with it"
Bethenny thinks she's the comedian of the Housewives, and this catchphrase perfectly captures her comedy, which is mostly of the exaggerated z snap formation variety. "It was so hot under that tent, I was sweating like a friggin farm animal. But had to hit the dancefloor. Even the Countess was gettin friggy with it."
Ramona:
"You got it, dude!"