Proving that the only people who watch their channel are stoners, babies, irony-soaked hipsters, or some combination of the three, Animal Planet aired Puppy Bowl II yesterday from 3 p.m. till about 3 a.m. The show was kind of like a Yule Log. But with puppies. (My digital cable guide summed it up in two words: "Puppies playing." Never has a show synopsis been so accurate.) I thought that it would be sort of like a fake football game, with adorable puppies in adorable helmets being adorable and fighting over a squeaky football, or something. Turns out, there was even less of a premise than I thought––it could have just as easily been called Holy Shit! Puppies! Basically, a bunch of dogs were let loose on a replica of a football field. They were given chew toys. The puppies chewed and played and sat and walked while soft music was played in the background. For three hours. That was it.
Check out video clips
here. Please. It was like that, but for three hours straight. Then repeated till 3 a.m. Here are a few highlights, so you don't have to go buy the DVD: Candid Shots From The Bowl-Cam: This was a camera that was on the underside of the puppies' water bowl, so, you know, you could watch them drink water up close and stuff. Puppy Penalty: This is what happened when a dog pooped on the field: Some poor PA dressed up like a referee blew his whistle, threw a "flag" over the poop, and scooped it up. Kitty Half-Time Show: Kittens took over the field for a half-hour––scratching, meowing, staring blankly, and otherwise acting like Superbowl Half-Time singer, Joss Stone. Did anyone else catch this?