The big cargo ship Ever Given has been freed from its Suez Canal prison. It is once again floating where it pleases, delivering containers of goods to the world thanks to a lot of people’s hard work and some help from our planet’s favorite space buddy, the moon. This is good news for the global shipping industry, of course, but it’s sort of disappointing for everyone who wanted to continue to enjoy an opportunity to make jokes about the Ever Given’s predicament.
Fortunately, the internet is a place where change doesn’t have to be accepted and nostalgia for anything—even a boat getting stuck in a canal last week—is always indulged.
The first example of this is Garrett Dash Nelson’s “Every Given Ever Ywhere” app. “From the comfort of home you can get the Ever Given stuck wherever you want it,” the page promises, offering users the godlike power of selecting any place on a satellite map where they’d like to see a cargo ship wedged. Dash Nelson shows off an alternate reality where we can delight in seeing the Ever Given stuck in the Hudson River, blocking traffic in front of the Bellagio Hotel, or finding a new way to wreak havoc on international shipping by jamming itself into the Panama Canal.
If this webpage is too general to really make you feel like you’ve comfortably drifted backward in time, there’s also a Microsoft Flight Simulator modification that lets players live forever in a world where the Suez Canal remains constantly blocked. A TikTok video by @donut_enforcement shows what it looks like to pilot a plane over the canal, still blissfully cluttered with a big ship. According to its download page, the mod comes with plenty of great features, including: “traffic to the north in the canal, traffic to the south in the canal, traffic parked in the Suez Gulf, several tug boats trying to free the ship, a pair of excavators trying to dig out the ship’s bow,” and “official cars parked adjacent to the ship.”
In other words, the mod puts everything right back where it should be so we can forever dwell in the good ol’ days of last week.
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