The next season of American Horror Story—the show’s 10th—will feature Sarah Paulson and Macaulay Culkin, plus Evan Peters, Kathy Bates, Billie Lourd, Lily Rabe, Finn Wittrock, Leslie Grossman, Angelica Ross, and Adina Porter. It will air on FX at some point in the future, it will involve scary stuff that is also kind of tongue-in-cheek and playfully cheesy, and that… is really all we know. Today, though, series creator Ryan Murphy posted a teaser image on Instagram, and it tells us so much more about what to expect.
Alright, it tells us nothing, so let’s just have some fun with it and make some guesses about what the hook will be this year. But first, let’s break down exactly what we’re seeing: Two hands on the edge of some kind of cliff with a gloomy sky and endless ocean behind them. It’s important to note that the hands aren’t necessarily connected to anything, and it’s also interesting that they’re not just on the ground. We know the hands aren’t coming out of a grave, for one thing, which must be a big hint. So here’s what we’ve got:
-American Horror Story: The Lighthouse: Two angry and lonely men scream at each other about lobsters for three episodes. Then witches show up and it turns out that they’re in the future.
-American Horror Story: Hands: Two hands (Paulson and Peters) crawl through the woods, looking for stuff to grab, like a serial killer riding one of those penny-farthings. Episode five is the penny-farthing’s backstory, and it involves a lot of Christian rock music.
-American Horror Story: Pilgrims: This looks a little New England-y, which makes us think of pilgrims. But they kind of did that already, huh? Okay, skip this one.
-American Horror Story: Plastic Surgery Office: Two hot-shot surgeons juggle the pressures of running their office, maintaining their relationships, and trying to sleep with all of their patients. A serial killer shows up eventually.
-American Horror Story: Eat Pray Love: Did you know Ryan Murphy directed that? He’s done so many weird things, it seems surprising that he would make that fairly un-weird movie.
-American Horror Story: Cliff Crawl: A pair of hands… climb up a cliff and… You know, this is harder than it seems, as always. Hey, maybe it’ll be about that weird monster that washed up on a shore a few years ago? We don’t have a snappy name for that, though, other than something like American Horror Story: Beach Monster. Feel free to make better guesses in the comments.