Savage Love
So I have been in a relationship with the same
guy since I was about 16. It's been a little over four years now, but I came
out to him a year ago about the fact that I'm bisexual, which he has no problem
with. So since then, I have had wild fantasies about a threesome with a really
hot girl. But it's a lot harder to arrange that than it seems. Do you have any
suggestions about how we can find a third? We've already tried Craigslist with
no luck.
Where The Girls At?
You think your luck with Craiglist is bad, WTGA?
Jeff Gradney, a television news reporter in Las
Vegas, lost his job after some anonymous douchebag alerted the management at
KTNV-TV "Channel 13 Action News" to the fact that Gradney and his girlfriend
placed an ad on Craigslist seeking a third. Sexphobia? Definitely. Homophobia?
Perhaps: Gradney and his girlfriend were looking for another dude. And for this
infraction—which had nothing to do with his job performance—Gradney
was fired. So much for "Action News," huh? (People who've had
three-ways—or not—are invited to come to Gradney's defense. Send an
outraged e-mail to KTNV-TV's vice president and general manager Jim Prather at [email protected].)
Gradney's dismissal came a week after a pair of
nationally ranked college wrestlers—including a 2007 national
champion—were booted from the University of Nebraska wrestling team after
it emerged that both had jerked off for an Internet porn site. (Solo jerk-off
scenes, nothing gay about 'em, although the website is aimed at gay men.)
Sexphobes will say that Gradney and those college
wrestlers got what was coming to 'em. People shouldn't let it all hang out on
the Interwebs—or spurt out, in the case of the wrestlers—unless
they're prepared to lose their jobs, their spots on the team, their shot at
being an American Idol, etc. But with so many people documenting their lives
online, and with so many people using the internet as a tool to seek sexual
fulfillment, and in our thoroughly exhibitionist culture, one might think that
people could picture themselves in Gradney's shoes, or those wrestlers'
singlets, and cut 'em a little fucking slack.
If I may tweak a phrase: What happens online really
ought to stay online. Your Internet personals shouldn't be something that can
be used against you by bluenoses at work; if you like to show off and you want
to wank for the web, that shouldn't matter to the douchebags who run the NCAA.
(Hello, NCAA? Want to generate interest in the sport? Encourage more college
wrestlers to make JO videos.) Here's hoping that we soon reach a web-exposure
tipping point, a time when everyone has something out there online that's
sexually explicit or deeply embarrassing or both. When that blessed day
arrives, we'll think twice about firing someone or cutting someone from the
team for the crime of letting it all hang out online, because, hey, we've got
it all hanging out online, too.
As for how to find a third, WTGA: Most people
looking for thirds want someone who's totally trustworthy and honest, someone
who comes guaranteed to be disease-free, but they also want that someone to be
a complete stranger whom they'll never see again after the three-way is over.
Those someones don't exist, WTGA. If you really want to have a three-way, you
either go with the likely-to-be-skeezy stranger you met online and risk
dismemberment, or you approach a trusted, attractive friend and risk rejection.
I am a 30-year-old woman in a relationship with
my childhood sweetheart. My boyfriend and I got together when we were 15.
That's 15 years ago. It was—and remains—an intense and
extraordinary intellectual compatibility. He's the funniest and smartest person
I have ever met. Sure, we have had our ups and downs, but there is a lot of
good stuff there.