Savage Love Extra - January 16, 2007

Readers respond to Dan
Savage's advice for LIMP:

Good one, Dan. I went through a period of
small-dick insecurity myself, and soon realized not only that it (the
insecurity) was ridiculous, but that obsessing about it is nothing but
narcissism. Small-dick obsession means "Let's all look at my dick. Either you
tell me you love it or you tell me it's not enough, but in any case, at least
we're all looking at my dick!"

Looking At My Prick

I am a gay man who has had my share of sex. I
can pretty honestly say that I have experienced some fat dicks, some long
dicks, and some big and fat dicks. I can also pretty honestly say that I have
had some mind-blowing, dehydrating, lost-weekend sex. What I can't honestly say
is that a big, fat dick guaranteed great sex.

Those big dicks don't always get hard. Those
big dicks are often attached to big dicks who think that having a big dick
makes them good in bed. Not true.

Mind-blowing sex happens when a guy knows how
to use the equipment he has, big or small. A good carpenter doesn't blame the
tools!

I've Had A Few Hammers

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your kick
in the ass to LIMP. I've had lots of great sex with men on all ends of the
penile spectrum, but the only encounter where size was a turnoff was my first
boyfriend (yes, I was a complete virgin when we first met, and he still went on and on
about "not being able to satisfy me like another man could"). He was so
paranoid that following our breakup, when he found out I was seeing another
man, his first reaction was, "Is he bigger than I am?" Yes, he was—but
what I liked about him was the fact that he was confident about his body, and
that he spent his time in bed not whining, but fucking me.

Many women really don't think size matters;
some say that it does. But nobody wants to listen to you be emo about your tiny
wang. Get the fuck over it.

KD

LIMP's poor girlfriend is busy trying to stroke
his ego and make him feel better about himself now, but it will get old, and
sooner or later, she will leave his insecure, whining, dick-obsessed crybaby
ass. Guys who think that much about their own friggin' cocks don't have enough
time to think about anything else, and end up with girlfriends with
pathetically neglected clits. Guys with bigger dicks are often better in the
sack, not because they actually have bigger dicks, but because they think about
other things than their dicks.

Thanks, Dan!

Rebecca

I am a straight male with an above-average-size
cock on the thick side, and oh, how I sometimes yearn for a thinner cock.
Because…

a) I was a virgin until I was 20 because every
girl I tried to enter couldn't fit me!

b) I never get to have anal sex. Because of this,
it's something of a hang-up for me, and has driven wedges between me and
girlfriends in the past. I think I'm coming to terms with it now, but it's
taken a looooong time, and many years of singledom when I've wished I was less
well endowed.

So, there's always a silver lining. Mine is
that I've got a big 'un! His is that he can put it places that others won't go.

Thicker Than Most

In response to LIMP's insecurities: If his
girlfriend likes it rough, she prefers a shorter stick, because she gets more
stimulation around her lips and clit from his body as he fucks her. A more
well-endowed man might never bump his body against the labia and clit, because
the end of his dick hits a cervix wall first (ouch). Plus, LIMP probably gets more
head, because it's less work for her.

I've been with nine guys, and the smallest was
the best and most fun (least painful) to go down on.

Good Things Cum In Small Packages

So this isn't in response to LIMP, who seems to
be a fucktard, but to any decent het men who are dating women who just want it
HUGE from time to time. Buy a strap-on with a big dildo already! I had a fag
friend who was dating an insatiable slut, so after fucking him for as long as
he could, he would come and then strap it on and keep pounding away. If he
could do it, so can you. Just work on getting your ego out of your dick.

Dyke In SF

I have seen a hell of a lot of dicks over the
years. One time, I was seeing this guy who was reluctant to undress. I'd been
vaguely baffled not to find the usual bulge when I rubbed the crotch of his
jeans, but I figured he was just oddly adjusted. When the moment finally came,
he revealed the smallest genitalia I've seen on an adult man. We aren't talking
slightly to the left on the bell curve; we are talking trial-size candy bar. I
took it calmly and went about my business. He turned out to be a world-class,
hall-of-fame-quality lover. We are talking top five out of well over a hundred.
Seriously, dude, and I like it rough. It's not size that matters; it's what you
do with it. Get over yourself, LIMP.

Hope That Helps

I didn't think much of your response to LIMP,
Dan. He may not be the most likeable guy, but he obviously has a serious
anxiety problem, one that is keeping him up at night and is ruining his
relationship. He needs to work through and challenge the thoughts that are
causing him so much trouble. He needs to stop cross-examining his girlfriend
who "let it slip" that she was once with a bigger man. Ridiculing LIMP and
telling him to stop obsessing is not going to be helpful. It's a good thing
you're not a suicide-hotline counselor. ("Oh my God! Shut up, just shut up!
It's all 'me, me, me' with you people!")

Anonymous

Yeah, LIMP's writing style sucks. But, he's got
a point: I'm 7 1/2" long by 6 1/2" around. I've been in love twice in my life.
Both times, the woman has told me point-blank, "You're too small to make me
happy." I tried everything with both of them—vibrators, plugs, strap-ons,
and almost every type of GGG effort you can imagine—to get around the
problem, but in the end, they both left (and both by letting me catch them
fucking somebody else, too). This did a grade-A mindfuck on me for about two
years. So, it's kinda shitty of you to ride LIMP so hard—there are a lot
of paranoid guys out there, with lots of legitimate reasons for being that way.

What you should have said to LIMP: You don't
have a penis problem; you've got a trust problem. If you believe her, then stop
whining and accept it when she tells you that she's having the best sex of her
life. If you don't believe her (and it's pretty obvious he doesn't, since he
wrote to you in the first place), then cowboy up, accept that this type of
woman will never be happy with you, and get the hell out.

I wound up in the second category both times,
but didn't have the balls to get out. I was always the "Nice Guy" stereotype,
and thought too much of people. The problem is, most of us Nice Guys (and I'd
bet LIMP is one) are attracted to Wild Things, and unfortunately, Wild Things
don't get turned on by any guy (and certainly won't be with him long-term)
unless he's a Bad Boy that she can "save."

LIMP has two options if he bails on this
relationship: 1) Learn to be a Bad Boy (which is harder than it sounds), and
you'll start picking up and keeping Wild Things (and stop writing like William
Faulkner on a three-day bender, will ya?); or 2) Learn to be happy with a
different type of woman (by realizing that "crazy" does not equate to
"beautiful"). I tried both, but in the end, I could only live with the second
option.

Never Again Shall I Be Used

You missed one thing in your response. As a man
who possesses a very large and thick penis, I have to be very careful and
conscious about how I fuck a woman. The fact of the matter is that someone who
is averagely endowed has more freedom in the act; women aren't asking guys with
giant dicks to pound them because of the discomfort. We are forced by
experience and knowledge to be very gentle, except when we encounter women with
unusually large vaginas. Imagine, the embarrassment when you get naked with a
woman and she won't have sex because she is afraid of your dick (one look and
NO). First time was when I was 19 years old.

Too Much Of A Wood Thing

Hear, hear, Dan! I can't tell you how goddamn
annoying it is to hear guys lamenting the size of their units. LIMP needs to
shut the hell up and learn to use what he's got. And it's true, bigger isn't
always better. As a matter of fact, thick dicks hurt tight pussies, and long
dicks bash cervices at unpleasant moments. Not to mention that the only times I
personally have entertained anal sex is with guys who do not have monster
cocks. (I didn't mention that to them directly, though.) I don't know why guys have
this crazy notion that women all want guys who are hung like Holmes. I had one
magnum-sized lover, and it took forever to have sex, because we had to use an
entire tube of lube and negotiate angles just to get off. I dumped him after
three weeks because while the finale was great, the getting there could take
hours, and I just didn't have that kind of patience. So to LIMP and those of
his ilk, quit whining! You obviously have no idea what makes a good penis, or a
good lover. When she says she's having the best sex of her life, she probably
means it.

Quit Your Bitchin'!