September 24, 2008
My boyfriend and I are in our mid-20s, love
each other, and have been living together for two years. We have good sex once
a week. I have a low libido, and I always have. But my sweet boyfriend needs
more than once a week. Every once in a while, he brings up the fact that he'd
like to have more sex. This conversation always goes the same way: He tells me,
I start crying, he feels terrible for making me cry, we both wind up feeling
like shit.
I'm pretty sure that the solution is for me to
jump my sexy boyfriend more often. But I don't know how. I know I have an inner
vixen buried somewhere inside me. I would appreciate any suggestions you have.
Wanna Want More
If you've been to the doc and ruled out a hormonal
imbalance, WWM, and made sure that whatever birth-control method you're using
isn't decimating your libido, your best bet is to accept that this is just the
way you work for now—you may surprise yourself when you hit your sexual
peak in a few years—and find some middle ground.
Let's say your boyfriend wants it four times a
week and you can only "get into it" once a week. I'm not going to tell you that
it's as simple as splitting the difference—have sex twice a week!
everybody loses!—because that advice, which is pretty standard for
couples in your situation, is fucking useless. Inevitably, sex falls back to
the frequency preferred by the person with the lower libido—just the
boyfriend loses!—but having been promised more sex, the higher-libido
partner's sense of resentment spikes, there are more tearful talks, and the
relationship invariably ends.
Here's what you should do instead: You commit to
great sex at least once a week. He deals. But you also commit to making sure
your boyfriend is well and thoroughly milked—with your cheerful
assistance—at least three additional times a week. You commit to being
his full-blown sex partner once a week and his life-size, ambulatory
masturbatory aide at least three times a week.
How would that work? Well, let's say you're not up
for sex on Wednesday because you had sex last Sunday. But he's horny. So you
plop your twat down on his face and let him eat you out while he beats off.
It'll take 10 minutes. Then let's say he's horny again on Friday, but you're
just not feeling it. So you treat him to a handjob while you rub your tits in
his face. Another 10 minutes. And let's say he wakes up horny on Saturday
morning. So you sit on the edge of the bed, have him kneel between your open
legs, and pull his face into your crotch while you tell him how thoroughly
you're going to fuck the shit out of him tomorrow, on Sunday, when you're
finally horny again.
As a special bonus, WWM, you may find that once
the pressure is off—once you're not expected to have or want sex but just
expected to help out your horny boyfriend—your libido occasionally kicks
in and you're inspired to jump him. Or not. Either way, the pressure is off,
you're having great sex at least once a week, and he sees you making a sincere
effort to keep his balls drained and him happy. Everybody wins.
I am a single, young, professional gal who likes
to party until the break of dawn. This weekend, I went out with a group. One of
the guys, who I liked as a friend but was not attracted to, was at first
cordial. But he became aggressive on the dance floor. He kept grabbing me by
the hips and pulling me closer. He seemed to think my proper response was to
turn around and start humping his leg. Is there some unspoken understanding
that I am unaware of that grinding on a guy's leg on the dance floor does not mean that a girl is
interested in him? Is this just the way people dance now? If so, am I a prude
for not wanting to rub my genitals on a guy I have no interest in? If not, then
I need help with what to say if this happens again!