So I've got this friend–let's call him Mike, because that's his name and I have a terrible memory. I blame him for this. See, Mark is the only person I know who watches Smallville. In fact, Mick might be the only person who watches Smallville, period. The rest of us are convinced the show-runners send him Christmas cards, and I wouldn't be surprised to learn he's got access to the web-cam in Erica Durance's dressing room. (Or maybe Tom Welling's? I dunno. Dude's Canadian, I'm not sure how it works up there.)
Back on point, Mack watches Smallville, so when it came from down on high that somebody needed to write-up the season premiere to at least pretend like we cared, I volunteered for the job. I figured, Mork could get me up to speed, it's only an hour out of my life, and it kills time before the season premiere of Supernatural. (Which is airing as I write this, curse you CW!) Marv was kind enough to send me an excellent primer on the show, but watching "Odyssey" tonight, I feel almost like he needn't have bothered. Because while a lot of stuff happened in those forty minutes of between-commercials filler, the less attention I paid, the more sense it seemed to make.
But hey, let's at least give an attempt to recap the tomfoolery. It's like this: last season ended with Chloe under arrest, Lana gone for (finally) good, Clark stripped of his powers by a pissy Jor-El, and Lex and Clark finally giving into the passion and embracing one another as the Fortress of Solitude collapsed around their ears. Or something like that. Anyway, as "Odyssey" begins, Lexcorp is hunting down it's erstwhile CEO, led by Lex's former helpmate, as well as a new player, Tess Mercer. Their searches are interrupted by Oliver Queen, Adam Curry, and Dinah Lance–Green Arrow, Aquaman, and Black Canary, aka the Justice League D-squad. They manage to take out the business types, but all they get for their troubles is Clark's doofy red shirt.
They aren't the only ones having problems; Chloe's now a super genius, and the government is using her to crack impossible codes. Except it's not the government, it's that naughty Lexcorp again, and through Chloe's gift, they're able to take out Dinah and Adam (who, naturally, is in the shower at the time of the attack).
Meanwhile (there's a lot of "meanwhiling" on this show), Clark's in Russia. I don't know why, and the ep never does much good at explaining it; first he's hiking through the snow, then he wakes up on a fishing boat in the Atlantic. After a horribly ill-advised escape attempt, Clark has his bacon saved by Oliver, and the two make a hop-skip-jump back to the states to save Chloe; she's being held at Black Creek, the one Lexcorp facility that Ollie and pals haven't raided yet. Which, coincidentally, is where Adam and Dinah are being held. Squee!
Forces converge on the base, and Clark happens across Lois, who in her second daring disguise of the day (first was the French maid outfit … of course) has infiltrated the facilities as some sort of security personnel. In what was easily the most painful part of "Odyssey," the two proceed to banter while they hunt to find Chloe. It's only a handful of lines, but it's really, really terrible. Good-looking people, passable actors, terrible, terrible dialogue. (And considering their romantic relationship will probably be one of the main threads of the season … brrr.)